Diligently studying for the upcoming subjects. I feel that although I may not be able to score well for EL, and that chances are HIGH that I might fail it, because of that bitch Ms Maz, I have no need to wail over what's happened. Rather, I might as well prove my success in all other subjects other than languages. Just got over my Physics, combined humanities and double mathematics.

I felt something was off yesterday night. I had another strange dream, but now, I don't feel like sharing it here.. Might as well keep it to myself.

The world's being unfair. First off, I found out and already knew, even sensed, that I'm out there being ostracized. No one praises my hard work, everyone blames me for trouble. What the hell can I do so that you all wouldn't blame me no more?!?

Even God is unfair towards my well-being. What I mean is, why my best mental focus myself cannot even be compared to the mental focus of an average person? It feels as though one of those ghosts from Harry Potter is near and invisible to me, sucking away my mental focus..

This is what I'm gonna say. I mean, maybe usually whatever I do would look like as though I am good for nothing. I don't like that, maybe people had found that as my weakness?

Some bastards will try to avoid me because of that, thus I had always thought I was born solitary. That's not cool, ya know.

What happened today has made me learnt more of the outside world. Doing revision with Hong Yeah and Terence was more fun than hanging out with those Mathematics-conscious nerdy jerks. After that, we went to Hong Ye's house to chill out awhile. I must admit, I seem emo to them, though I was kinda lost in thought...again. What can you expect from a 21st July Cancerian?

If anyone still have doubts of why I always seem emo, I am just planning for the future. Like, how should I react/do if the things I feel should happen did, or not. What if I failed my English comprehension paper? What if I did not get a single A1 for my papers? What if I still couldn't get her heart before the O' levels finish? I need help.....

It takes a swing of a knife to create a scar, but takes 30 stitches and 30 days of pain to undo it

Today is my father's birthday. Two out of three of his sons have had his presents ready. Guess who's the "unfilial" one? Me.

I can still remember how I got that grudge against him. Because of that 100 marks incident. Then, I can still remember how many worlds different we were then. I hated him, he didn't even bother to assist in undoing this grudge. That fucking tight slap was very painful, especially when a child's defenseless.

Now, his birthday, an annual day, has entered again. How am I supposed to make amends with him when all he do in the dining table is eat, talk racist trash, smoke and leaving me out of my other brother... Ah heck!! I am just too good to be placed in their caliber... What am I saying?!

... Recently there has been so many visitors... But why? When I checked my friend's blog, 2 anonymous people visited. They claimed something to do with their blog linking from mine. How creepy...

Today was kinda fantastic, especially finally to lay a scar of fear on people I have deemed pathetic. This total gay, tried to irritate me like some homosexual freak. It is clear that I can dominate him in every aspects of life, but he wants to get ahead with everything I win him in, being annoying. Finally, I get to put him in fear, when I shoved him on the ground from behind, then POSE "Muay Thai" fighter(Thai Boxing). He got so scared that he stuck his limbs with his body afar. Funny thing is, I grabbed him on the arm and swung him judo-style. Loser!!

But this isn't supposed to be happening. I mean, when did I arise into violence? Though it was self-defense, I still feel guilty...

Dream no.4

I feel so confused. How can I describe this feeling? It felt as though I, almost entirely, left reality... My head was kinda spinning during morning assembly, maybe because of all those things happen in it.

I was standing in this huge cave. The surrounding was overwhelmed by hellfire and magma. Light was sourced by the hellfire, heat was radiated by the white-hot streams of inferno. There was someone... or something... that was screaming at the top of his(or her) voice. I shivered and sweated cold.

The scream wasn't through anger, but it felt like it was in great pain. Then here is the crazy part. The lava stopped flowing, the hellfire froze, then my eye directed to something which is totally magnificent, but dreadful...

What I saw was a dragon(don't get any funny ideas). It wore black scales, with its front part red as opera curtains. It was looking at me. However, its eyes, I felt something was awfully wrong: I naturally expected to be either green, blue, brown or any other color. But it was blue and pale, as though the poor creature was heavily suffering in pain.

Unnaturally, I was already prepared to help it, when everyone knows the real me will never kill myself for something I don't know. I would only have been ready to help my TRUE FRIENDS or the people I love even if it means death. But isn't this a little too much, risking my ass to save a monster?

Then this very old man tapped me on the shoulder, saying a few sentences which resembled Shakespearean language to me, like those of the 1600s. Not mistaken, he told me the real reason why should and MUST save that "damsel-in-distress", but the reason... it is a little too deep, I think I should not say...

Ah... I am really losing speech and stuff to say...

Time really flies, I can still remember those weird dreams I've had. If you want, I could even list them out in a chronological order, but well, no one would be interested anyways. All those things we all did just felt like yesterday. All those hours of fun as a few minutes of the "real" life. The theoretical stuff I had finally got a glimpse of just stuck in my brain. The cash I saved up all these while remained where they were kept, safe from sight. The food I ate...... Let's not talk about this any further.

If life was simpler, wouldn't it be faster?

Hopeless people

This really sounds a joke. Don't let anyone you think this discussion will refer to, so that you can save both mine and your own ass.

I have encountered very few, special, rare breeds of human. This very special few could either have been exposed to too much pornography that aroused them into sexual talk, so much that they can have more than one crushes in the same time. Worse, these few unfortunate 'crushed' ones could even be either a guy or a gal.

There was this guy in my class who really is born to be a good-for-nothing in society. His living habit could be denoted as worst than a nerd's life. At home, he only knows how to watch anime, play grand chase game which is utterly hopeless game, then watch more porn. At school, he is only attracted to sexual jokes made randomly by random person. He is pathetically attracted to my friend who is quite a Mathematics genius. When he gets owned by him, his reaction is annoying, but ironically, my friend is already too used to this lame reaction; that guy punches him like a pussy, then laugh at the same time, when the WHOLE SCHOOL would feel that it is like, so lame. If I am not mistaken, retarded moron even took face pictures of my friend and posted them in his photo album... ... I have nothing else to describe this good-for-nothing ball-less loser.

It is so difficult to enlighten us teenagers nowadays.

Today, at least, is better than the usual boring days. I say this because of the "I Am Sam" post-activity during the English period, an alternative lesson for after the EL paper. First, I paired up with Terence, we joked on Tian Yong with nonsenses that end up with Tian Yong "chicken-slap" Terence. Then, we grouped up with Alston, Jazzmond and Meng Ern. This was the fun part: Meng Ern, Jazzmond and Terence were joking a lot on Alston, while Alston kept slapping them with a plastic ruler. Our presentation was really funny. "I am ____", we filled the blank with "I am Char Siew Tan". Retarded (:

I somehow feel that this blog-spot has turned into a story book...

Today was yet another meaningless day. I really feel that our generation just cannot sit back and do nothing. All because of all the vibration of electromagnetic waves in our skull, colliding with the surface of our brains. It is really painful for me not to do anything...

This blog may seem boring based on the looks and feel of its design, but the words I type holds much more amusing(even I'm not sure if you are pleased with reading this, it has just wasted 4 seconds of your life) meaning. And, yeah, I know that you all are starting to think that I lost my sense of humor. In fact, stress is what's ridding of it from me.

It has been long since I started annoying someone...

I really have complex details whenever I meet this girl... Many people either suspect and accuse me of liking her, or they have already know about it and accuse with proof. I'm not sure either, whether many people would want to listen to my story. Even if the population is low and are those whom I trust, secrets shall remain secrets, I shan't reveal until I feel ready.

My life after seeing, meeting and befriending each other has dramatically changed. I was once this coward who hits back hostile people when provoked. I couldn't even speak proper English, nor proper Chinese at first. I was really a fat snob, an obese slang. I thought my life was a total good-for-nothing. Until I met her, we chatted, my attitude towards things changed. To be honest, I think this is accurately based on Cancer, one of the 12 star signs of Astrology.

I have became more reasonable in conversations, less selfish towards ideas, easier to approach and now I even have this mindset that violence creates more conflict rather than solve it, this is a good thing indeed. On top of that, the other party was also affected.

She was once passive to approaches, just like how shy people are. She was only able to depend on another girl in Primary School. After me entering her story, she has learnt (I dunno how much) to be more proactive to society. Also, she, well...... inherited one aspect from me: joking.

So, yeah, our life, not to exclude others, continued in Secondary School. Many have parted us. I hate to say this, but old classmates aren't classmates anymore, referring to their hearts. Eg. Me and Ze Quan were once good pals, but in mid-school, we rarely get to see each others' face. It might be fate that I landed in the same school as her...

Seriously, you guys are lucky to encounter me as this 'new' person in class, otherwise, your lives might have been more 'dull' with a "guai lan kia' here.