A dream

I just happened to have a peculiar dream. As stated by non-metaphysical individuals, dreams will never happen unless if the scenario is like something happened now, after when it happened or thought to happen in the past. You cannot call this deja vu.

My dream sounds very unusual. I also cannot describe whether it was an ordinary, escape-reality kind of dream, or was it supposed to be sweet. It involves me, of course. But rather than as a teenager, I wasn't human, magic also seemed and felt true in this world. I recall something to do with trying to master some weird technique, maybe like shooting flames from both my palms. But it was always failing, I couldn't properly 'shoot' these flames. Other people kept mentioning that this technique is called "Fire Naegor" or something like that. They knew nothing, so they stared at me.

It felt real: I was really tired and I even recall lying on the floor, palms on the floor trying to push myself up, sweat was dripping from me.

Just when I was about to lose hope, someone approached. Straight away, I could instantly decipher the identity: SHE stood confident and her expression was friendly and welcoming. Black and red, average height and slim figure. While this doesn't compliment her present state at all, I knew it was just a dream, so I should just accept it in my wake-up life.

"I... ..." I mumbled, given that my face was down and sweaty, hard and sorrow of failure. I felt shame as I was unable to present strength in front of the person I liked in real-life.

Without a word, she clenched her hand around mine, while I was struggling to get myself back to my feet, and pulled me up. In the process, I actually felt her hand. It was soft and tender, it felt really... encouraging. After my ass finally stopped resting on the ground, she already disappeared into the school. I tried as how she advised. In the end, I was able to create a huge stream of crimson flame which, sadly, hit a HDB flat and scorched it into ashes. People saw my power, and instead of staring at me, cheered and applauded.

It was then that I woke up.

A normal post today. I learnt many things from today's conflict. Tears were shed, blood was spilt, so are feelings from so many recent happenings in school.

I went out with BX to play maximum tune. That happened in Vivo City. As maximum tune was quite a big 'hit' among Singaporeans, during the weekends where time can be spent easily with family or friends or both, the game was really crowded. I got impatient, which irritated BX, the calm and patient one. Until about 5.45pm, my mom called over by phone. It ended up with her scolding me as "not filial son", who would choose friends over family. I really got into a crossroad. I explained all these to BX, he told me that the decision is mine, and he respects my decision, even if it will incur a loss: losing the chance to grab dinner. This is why I regard him as my best friend; a dependable person who is willing to patiently listen to my personal troubles and even try to help. I owe him a lot.

I compared my love life (Ironically, the author said that he will never leak any information of his love life. Just treat this as a release of "steam") with many peoples' and found out it isn't as bad as theirs. I was too indecisive and soft. People worldwide have suffered many emotional and mental damages over romance. Some even died over rejection by their lovers. It really holds the fact that Cancerians are very sensitive, and Virgins are passive, somehow...

Love

Ever experienced a feeling which is ever so uncomfortable, and it happens after you meet this girl/guy and have a "crush" on her/him? Not many people can avoid this feeling, unless he/she is totally unromantic, or has a mental phobia against relationships, or is gay/lesbian. There are many types of relationships in this world, which I don't think I can cover all of them. It can happen anyways, based on a person's perceptions, different points of view and his/her resolve.

A straight relationship actually isn't 'straight' at all. To elaborate on this sentence, it means that even the most loving of couples will have tiff-offs at times. Conflicts are unavoidable in relationships, these conflicts will create a path for the couples to choose: give in or give up.

I'm pretty sure around half of the world rely on their horoscope fates when they seek their life partners. While it happens to dictate your path and what you should do about it, others might just say that horoscopes are empty talks and will never happen in real life. Well, fuck them.

A really epic, melodramatic romance involves a guy, a girl and both their friends. The guy have a slight argument with the girl over trivial matters. But this creates sparks between them, forging a powerful chemistry. Until the guy meets pressure and fate brings them to meet together, they will say or shout, "____, I like you. I promise we'll marry each other in the future". The girl gets pissed off. Then several conflicts lead them into the miracle: love. Very touching story indeed.

Another type of romance, without sense of drama, links to two people, by fate, meets up. It involves a guy, a girl and a gooseberry "extra". They start off as friends, then until the "extra" asks his friend, the guy, that maybe he loves the girl. When he says yes, the "extra" will create nonsenses just to get these two along well. Very funny, indeed.

This form of romance, well, is quite uncommon. It involves a guy, a girl, and tons of "extra". Rather than a romance story, it is more of an epic comedy. The guy meets up with the girl by fate. The guys is passionate, the girl is shy. The guy falls for the girl, then he starts nonsenses which stirs up their feelings for each other, although they do not want each other to know yet. Now, these "extras" are not meant for ornaments. They start teasing the guy, beginning with "You like ___ right?" The guy starts to get stressed up, until the girl noticed his stress. She asks "You okay?" then the conversation leads all the way to dating, then proposal. Halfway through the process, the guy usually bumps onto street lights. I love these stories.

By the way, please do not ask the author about his romance, for he will never reply in here. Thank you.

Family

Different people are born in different hospitals, the different household. Parents' attitudes are crossed to form the one of their descendants. After birth and care, their children are just like brand new white sheets of paper. They are allowed to choose their selections of paints and their quality of paint brush. Painting this piece of paper with different, vivid arrays of colors can easily create an impression among the community. But paint it with simple and dull colors will forge a plain, old and boring piece of paper to be investigated by people, creating a bad impression. The quality of paint brush also affects the design on the paper. A fine-hair brush of good quality allows more elegant strokes to create beauty. But a rough-hair, second-hand old brush will only create smudges and spoil the beauty. Their descendants, depending on how they were groomed, will return the favor in times to come.

Looking at the descendants' point of view. They can have different viewpoints on their parents. They can respect them as idols, fear them as devils, hated as blacklists, or even ignored as though they were paupers from a street. It was the parents' choice, to groom them a bright road to future, or spoil them for eternity. In most cases, people will only respect one parent, hating the other, just like the author here, who actually hates his father and never had a proper communication with him and only listens and communicate with his mother, the one who treated him better.

Teens all have different family backgrounds. There are those born from a loving couple and live happy life. Those who have a workaholic for a father/mother and spends more time with his mother/father. Those who have both parents as workaholics and barely have proper concern from them. Those whose parents can never get along well, quarreling with each other and lacks care. Those who have lost either one of his/her parent, living with only the other. Even those who have lost both and end up in an orphanage or left as street urchins. We all have different histories and different teachings.

Now, we all must learn to: cherish what we have now, rather than shed tears over their loss when the time comes.

Friends

The people whom no one in this world can live without. The people you meet in life are already your friends. It just matters whether your bond is a smooth path, or an unpleasant one. The friendship bond between you can never be broken, even after death.

Starting off in kindergarten, you learn to befriend people first by smiling a welcome to them, getting in return the welcome. You work together in groups assigned by teachers, which brings in the sharing of knowledge and laughter. Upon the presence of your friends, you have already stepped out of the shadow and looking forward to life. Upon the reaching of Primary School, unfortunately, not all your 'new' friends will ever follow you for life, so it was time to bid farewell. To avoid drowning in the shadow, you seek to make new friends. In the age of 10 to 12, there was more than one path for you to choose, and in fact, there were already more than one path to choose since you learnt to use alphabets and oral pronunciations and dialogues with others. Many survived amongst the many people whom they know as friends. The people they mix along are those who will reflect their future. Being among outlaws will only stain your mind with corruption and the desire to satisfy your vice requirements. Being with friends who seem "nerdy" will bring in colors which seem unpleasant to many, but satisfactory to some. The worst path ever to be taken, unfortunately has already been explored by the miserable few, was to remain solitary and lurk in the shadows eying on the more cheerful ones beside their cronies. The life of homework and minor stress is faint for a lot of you. But with these warm and welcome people as 'friends' to you, you will never feel bare-backed or alone. The path of life for you then was happy. Looking at the lonely people, their concern have always ever been to juggle between society and personal education satisfaction, thus known to them as 'misery'. It was time to graduate, but you felt your eyes and heart are leaking of tears of farewell, after spending 6 years of life and happiness with the people you have enjoyed being with. They, also crying, bids you farewell, and off you go, looking for a Secondary School, where you can't wait meeting new people and befriend them. Upon reaching here, the friendsters meet up with new friends, or rejoice with the 'old' ones, upon fate. Some cannot get used to the pressure of their new life, then a new term was referred to them as "emo". You have wished your new cronies will not leave you, like those from Primary School did to you. Thus they became your "Friends 4 Life". You all hang out together, play basketball, sing along to another friend playing the guitar, catch movies together, did homework discussion together, star involving love affairs and share the pain of it. Finally, the O' levels await, where this is another test which may end your bonds again. You all will study and laugh together as usual. Upon finishing the test, a short time period of freedom allows you to hang out and play together, only with less pressure from school and more time to relax and release.

I don't know how to continue anymore, but I think I shall stop here, for now.

Today was yet another boring day, to me and not to others. I saved Terence's ass just now. His phone was used to play phone game by Samuel until Mr. No Name started to suspect him doing something. Samuel, feeling guilty, hid the phone in his pocket. Then until Mr. No Name look over what was happening, I made a pathetic excuse: "I was staring at Samuel's *ahem*." Then it was really embarrassing among my friends..

I didn't realize that my initial potential was finally tapped. My parents had kept emphasizing that I had the best talent-development rate among me and my siblings; it was thrice their capability. Eg. Additional formula, double-angle formula and factor takes 2 whole weeks for my brother to absorb and learn everything about it, and then learn to apply it in a test. It wasn't because our teacher is a good teacher, but it was that my self-analysis was compared to whatever she taught, thus I learnt it faster. Finally, it only took me a day to master their uses.

Second, my metabolism rate is also thrice of theirs. My brother was finally able to do 2 pull-ups in Secondary 3, even after excessive and vigorous warm-ups and training. I was able to accomplish 1 pull-up in Secondary 1, then 3 in Secondary 2, then finally my best record was 7 full pull-ups in Secondary 3. It was fun and amazing to observe as we grow up to be high-achievers. Now, my decision is to try to adapt to the best of the bests of a course in Polytechnic. I shall not burden myself into study in a Junior College. If possible, I aim for pHD certificate.

For a man, talk is useless. We guys prefer to gain experience through the painful way. As for me, I have passed this ordeal.

Sick of my current family. WTF!! I really feel that I don't belong to these family, as always, anyways.

I am a hardworking and cool person who can joke quite a bit, I try my best to avoid Singlish and speak proper English. I can easily manage my time, don't like tower defense games and HATE nerdy games like Maple and grand chase. Most importantly, I HATE FISH!!

These are the facts: my siblings are lazy and hot-headed, impatient bitches who only know how to hide behind other peoples' shadows to earn their living. They totally lack the sense of humour and do not know how to create proper jokes. They can never stop speaking in singlish. They like tower defense games and LOVE nerdy games like Maple and grand chase. Worst of the worst, they LOVE fish.

Back to me, I have never been nosy, known to others as "extra", and I will leave a person alone when he feels frustrated. I NEVER back down from a conflict.

My parents are always extras and will never leave me alone. They also can never leave me my own privacy and time. When I'm feeling down, they will glare at me, evil-smile a bit, then force me to revise basically for their own sadistic pleasure. They will even coward away and back down when the going gets tough.

I have seen the level of resolve for each and every family member in the household, and its totally pathetic. THAT'S IT!! When I leave NS, I will find myself a proper job, rent a hotel for myself and only appear in front of these bitches on Chinese New Year and my grandmother's death anniversary. What's more, I WILL ONLY TAKE THEIR SHITTY MATCHMAKING BULLSHIT AS DOG BARKING. They have no rights to decide my future anyways.

Oh shit. Since I failed 5 FUCKING SUBJECTS, no one will ever know what my parents will do next. Scold me? Smack me? KILL ME? Nah, always expect the worst. (Prudence concept)

But seriously, 5 subjects, including A-maths, Physics and combined humanities. I guess my last resolve is to study, rest, study, sleep, study, go to school to study, study, revise, study, then finally rest, before the EOY.

Pathetically, every aspects of my studies are getting worse. No more breaks for me, maybe I will miss the chance to go to Brandon's house for his birthday. Also, only until the end of the end, then can I start hanging out with my cronies again... :'(

Ah!! That voice that appeared on my mind... The tone was same, but one thing was different: "... trouble... rain?"

Then, I felt nostalgic just now. That itchy presence, not anywhere on the body, but IN the heart. I feel... cold.