Yesterday was Christmas. Yet I didn't post anything in this blog. My apologies for not doing so, for I DO have reasons. I woke up exactly at 8am. My computer is in the master bedroom and my parents were still sleeping until around 10.30am. Then came my chores which took 1/2 hour of my life. I could only do so after my parents unlocked the master bedroom. Then here is the most stupid thing I could ever mention about my brother, the youngest son of my family. He is totally gay, is a biggest fan of "nigahiga" on Youtube and is addicted to a game called "Grand Chase" which I once named it a "very, very gay game" but he reversed it to "teehee", a favorite quote by his idol "nigahiga"... Basically, that's how he spent Christmas; playing a chase that isn't so grand as a game, while my elder brother, not as much a couch potato as my younger brother, still played his laptop and PSP. Weird people...

Today, my post may not be so short... I have much to say.

So... Today's post may have a one-sided point towards my bro, the one who have willingly supported my back when I am facing a problem these few years. I don't mean offense, so my apologies if this post happens to create doubts in you... I just wanted to say the truth, that's all.

When the 3 of us went to Bugis Square during Christmas? Me, BX and Razor Boy were on the MRT. The 3 of us chatted, but I just couldn't get BX to laugh, while Razor Boy was laughing maniacally on my asshole jokes. Yeah, BX told me, "Can you stop spouting nonsense?" After a while in the underground track. BX's mood started to change, so did mine. Y' know? This happened for the REST OF THE DAY... Until then after Spartan joined with us, did I make corny jokes for a mere 5 minutes. They did laugh, but after that went their jokes on 'topic of the day': arby n the chief. I am indeed a fan of Bungee and Halo, but this talk seemed alienating to me at first. I watched a bit, once in a while it was comedic. During dinnertime, they chatted and laughed a lot about that, yet I was claimed to be "bored". Wanna know the truth?

I wasn't bored, but I felt LEFT OUT. Like why am I here when I don't even seem to know much about the topic they can chat about ALL DAY. Am I just an extra? Was I supposed to be born WITHOUT friends and born alienated in society, where people couldn't even look straight at me for even 2 FUCKING SECONDS?!

BX told me to stop suffering. He wanted me to change. There is a quote I don't think anyone said before, but rather is a self quote:

"Teach a man the prevention to a disease, only after the teacher once suffered the disease and finally found a cure."

Here, BX. I shall be frank, yet hopefully without offense. You wanted me to be able to impress that girl, yet have you even found the root of all problems to this? You wanted me to be able to mix along with friends and leave the darkness, but have you ever experienced loneliness? What does it mean to be alone, not unwillingly and instead got avoided by people in school?

I have fucking BIG problems in my life. I don't know where I belong. I don't know what does the word "love" means anymore. I don't even know how to mix along with my friends... Jacky was right. I am indeed an utter social failure in life. I shouldn't have belonged here. That girl was better off as a scam and with that 18-years old fuck. I was better off dead. The 3 ex-classmate cronies of mine were better off being Left 3 Dead than with an extra. This fat, weak, dreamy, nosy, trashy and irritating extra... Not even worth a pinch of attention, right?

Today is Christmas Eve. While tomorrow is the official Christmas, it's too bad Singapore ain't gonna snow. Being an Asian country close to the Earth's equator, snow is impossible in Singapore. Just wanted to share about how my friends are mostly unable to play basketball with me nowadays. They were really busy with part-times. While my parents do not allow me to work part-time, I did managed to get a hefty sum of S$30 from my mum and S$10 from my dad. Too bad I spent away $5 on lunch and drinks after playing basketball with my friends(not those working part-time) once. To hell with pricey food in Causeway Point...

I was finally allowed access to my Primary School crony's blog. He is the one who "segregated" from us, living in Tiong Bahru and us in Woodland. He is a fun guy to hang out with in Bugis once in a while, with no qualms nor trouble. Usually I find him cheerful and bright-sided(optimistic), but I didn't really know about his misery in HIS school. He claims to be a party pooper among his mid-school friends. For that I assume he lacks "charisma"?

If that guy I referred to, or even any other people who suffers from the same "conflict", visits this post, you might be fortunate. My advice may not be the perfect one, but well... I recommend you this:

• You could try the "mirror" technique. Some experts guaranteed it as a good daily exercise. It includes speaking to the other guy you see in the mirror. You try to adjust your tone, such that you like the tone and think others may also like the tone too.
• If it feels stupid, another way is to be proactive. Like, saying "Hi, (name)" to the person you like or wants to befriend.
• Your last resort is one which I am damn good in: being an annoying brat among the community. People prefer an annoying brat/joker over someone who doesn't even exist in their list of recognized people.

 Yeah, I was quite a joker among my friends, in my school and with ex-elementary classmates. My juniors call me an awesome senior, I dunno why. The people of the same age with me and same CCA treat me as an entertainer friend. Most of the girls in the same cohort as me often call me "cute"... That girl I liked in the past... she... Ah I assume you should know about it.

Christmas Eve is just a few hours from now. While many of us are busy with homework pressure, I am no exception, the festive season might release some pressure off our mind. Hopefully we could even see Santa in Bugis Square :D

But even now, I am suffering... Not from the burden on romance anymore. Rather, I am suffering from... household chores and ugly face. Shouldn't have volunteered to do the household chores in the first place. Was I drunk then? Even my face is rotting. It feels as though a pan of sizzling oil splashed straight on my beautiful skin... L.O.L. Now my palms feel greasy after coming in contact with the surface of my facial skin.

================Moving on================

Any cool or interesting sites I can access, other than sites with mature contents and GG.com?

Wish you all a Happy Holidays!

I did lots of house work today. They are: licking up the floor, scrubbing the corridors and doing up the dishes. It's not easy, but it's not hard either. I was just hoping that being a "good boy" could increase my allowance for this Christmas... Hope it's gonna be a fun time then.

Sadly, my family are gonna have a steamboat dinner on the 25th, whilst I am out there... Unfortunately, I don't really like steamboats, especially when it is with my grandma around. Every steamboat dinner is the same; grandma smokes at least a whole box o' cigarette, a stupid alternative to cigar, breathe that horrid smoke on my little brother's face, talk a lot of gossips and secreting saliva right into the steamboat at the same time, and badmouthing how lazy and spoiled I am a brat...

But personally, I prefer dining around with my friends. This is because:
1) No adult to watch our table manners and telling us to shut up while eating.
2) No grandma to spoil the main dish with horrid smoke and saliva.
3) Fun joking with friends while dining, risking the chance of choking on food, then laugh about it :D

AH! 3 more days until Christmas. Happy Holidays guys!

I stumbled over a new subject known as id, ego and superego. They are linked to the "pleasure principle" and "reality principle". Just felt like sharing it to the reader(s)... If you can, try correcting my mistakes. Now, it's gonna sound boring and scientific...

Firstly, id can be referred to as the immature side of a person's personality. It governs the "pleasure principle". A person's id tend to control him into doing his wants through the "easy way". He would try to fulfill things while trying as best as he can to avoid discomfort or pain. Example of people whose life is mostly governed by the id are rebellious youths like me; those who argue with parents over trivial stuffs like "Why don't I finish my assignments in school?".

Next, ego can be addressed as a more mature side of human life. It is the total opposite of id. Governing the "reality principle", a person who is mostly by ego tend to admit to mistakes, take in hardship more effectively and often stress out easily. Example are those people who never quarrel with their parents and does homework.

Don't know much about superego though... Try searching the dictionary. What I know is that it is much like copycats. People mostly governed by their superego learn from their superiors other than their parents. They are quite sore losers and typical jerks where for every gangster in class shall always have one of these. I can give a classic example and a stupid example:

1) I have a classmate in school who is retarded. He is so good in maths, people can never fail to call him "maths god", well, except for one... He is close to our maths teacher... Probably he was seduced by that 57-years old fag, thus became her pet. Most of us hate him a lot, but only a decent amount of favor for him because we always borrow his homework for copying :)

2) This is another jerk in school. He (or should I say "she", cos he is very, very gay) is that person who fails to call the first example as "maths god". All his mental principles by Sigmund Freud fails to please EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE WORLD, both socially and psychologically. He would go out there, learn everyone's funny phrases, and parrot them to others in hopes of achieving life partner popularity. However, times of failing for him is when that very individual he got his new funny phrase from is there and would scold him, "Fuck you! That's what I said before, jerk!" Unfortunately, due to his copycat skills, this makes him a person of superego.

Duh... Think I shall end here... By the way, I'm id, but now reforming to become one of ego.

3 more days to Xmas eve. 4 more to Christmas. Happy Holidays!

"Just as I finished putting off the flame on that torch, you came and light it up again..."

I went out to play a few matches of basketball today. It was somewhat early, especially when it is the holidays and we would develop a habit of oversleeping over these few days. Starting at 9am, we played matched all the way to 12.30pm. I was really all tanned up. Then came a question from my friend: "So... How's the relationship between you two?"

It was clearly just curiosity you can expect from a friend, but just in the mentioning of her makes me feel dizzy... pain... Then he continued, "What was her name again? ...I can't really remember. It has been so many days..."

Dude... I managed to let time heal these mortal wounds... Guess sour memories are gonna stay permanent, as sad as ever...

Counting down... 4 more days to Xmas eve. 5 more days to Christmas.

5 more days to Christmas Eve. 6 more to that 'big time' over the world.

"I told you to put down the candle because the Sun is up, yet you told me to give you the candle to look for the Sun!"

I checked in to Facebook and found juicy news. Yet I don't know whether to cry over it, or laugh at it... Truth is, remember this guy whom I've mentioned before? The one who totally forgot our 1-year friendship in a single weekend?

You see... Even his once-new-but-now-forgotten friends, currently my basketball cronies, told me this: When he finds new friends, he tend to totally forget his old pals. I was a victim to this vicious cycle. Now, no one can ever entrust their secrets to him anymore. Even I, as a matter of fact, one of the people who told him personal secrets, like who am I in love with. IT WAS HIM!!

I am not a callous man. I did forgive him in credit to us being friends in the past. But rather, maybe I was too forgiving? One and a half years of being criticized. Yet I forgave him?!

He might have been a captain in Singapore RC basketball team. His father might have a high authority there. Now, no one likes him for insulting all his members... Assuming I try to help him out, I might be considered a good friend... or an "extra"...