Give me opinion please: Should I give up wooing her?

Here is my situation:

My life has always been a huge burden to most around me. I understand that I'm not a romantic kind of person like casanova Nicholas Chan and Nicholas Darren. I admit that I am not just an average person. This is because I always make mistakes, learn from then, the inevitably, make even more mistakes. Can you believe it? I don't want to make mistakes. I was born by my parents as a clumsy bastard.

There are two things in my existence, the first is something I don't mean to boast, the second contradicts the first. First would be my soul, or easily referred to as mental strength. Hearing from my counselor once, I am an intellectual genius, only because of the second which caused my status downfall. Second is this weak medium in possession of mine: this fucking clumsy and weak body. My limbs can never be stable, I run slow, jump slow and low, the body easily give in to asthma, the fats, THE FUCKING FATS!!!!

Okay, I shall quit giving introductions about myself. Rather, I should say bout her here. That girl I loved, I kinda understand her, though cannot jump into conclusions of her true personality. What I know is, something mutual to a lot of people: She can never stand loneliness. It's as though, die die must have friends around her, or else will feel unsafe. Her life can be compared to an iceberg; the one which sunk Titanic. Small to the eye, HUUUGE below the water surface. Once we were good online buddies, we played Maple and other stuff. Now, after that incident of my "Do or die" moment, I managed to say somethings to her, felt like the first time I accomplished something big. I thought this was the first step. Then, during her birthday this year, I was the first to post on her wall. Then, two days later, I gave that pendant meant as a symbol of happiness. Really, it wasn't a proposal, why the hell would I do that? Apparently, she had misunderstood me, messages weren't replied, started to avoid me.

So... Which would be more important, happiness for now and condemn to eternal unhappiness later, or true happiness after sacrificing my youth now?

I have finally seen through it. Why did she started avoiding me. It was solely because: I WAS FUCKING BAD-MOUTHED BY SOMEONE!! Some jerk or bitch had gossiped me on, obviously my bigger flaws. Whoever you are, watch out. Ruining two person's happiness satisfies your blood-lust huh?

My main suspects are probably some ex-classmates from Secondary 2 Aspire last year. However there are other suspects. This note to the one who did it: I may be patient and show much mercy in almost everything a person does, but don't you ever dare take it for granted.

With that little bit of light, tides will reverse, tables will turn. I just need that small, fucking small glimmer of hope. Trust me, I'm already succumbed into the dark side, or have I?

Exams are finally over. I thought a slight break would come in handy. No use worrying about my scores. After all. Marks are only reflections to how much we have learnt throughout the year. It's really pathetic as to how a person can whine over low marks. It just means that they weren't giving it their all for the year in learning.

I really hate this philosophy: the ones born strong are the will to live, while those who are born weak had never existed.
So, if they are saying that people are weak and shouldn't have walked this planet, I am referred to as well? Right, show me your fucking honor, who the fuck do you think you are, cock-sucking asshole. I'll gut you off your innards and send you into the flames of Hell.

Exams are only two more days left before epic freedom for the rest of the year. Wait, there's still the pressure of what's in store for us next...

I was only hoping that my future would be better, even if I don't know anything about it. Basically, everyone in the world is curious about the future. Now that she's confirmed to be avoiding me, I don't see what is so important in life now...

Just now, I noticed her and Rosliyana(not as sure who was that, but can confirm it was her friend) kept looking back, as though watching out for my presence. I regretted giving that pendant now...

The power of love cannot be measured. Its powers compare that to God's earthly powers. One's such power can rival the forces ruling the world. It is powerful enough to tear a person's heart.

However, it is also defined as the cardinal sins. Wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony. One's life doth be overwhelmed by such dastardly forces, characteristics of the descendants of Hell.

As the saying goes, nothing is impossible. In every conflict is a resolve to end it, just like in machines a mastermind to start or end it. The courage to stand up on your decision, thou art of resolve doth be the test of life. Only if a person be able to survive solitude a day, he shall hold no fear to the Void.

But why? I mean, I've finally got the courage to stand firm on my decision. I was finally able to say what I felt in my mind, of course upon precaution. But why? What is this dark force holding my heart? What is this blackness strangling my emotions?

The life of men is boundless. There is no limits to how much a person can shape his future; it is whether he want to do it. I shall try my best tomorrow. And now, I promise and swear in this blog, no more procrastination for me. I Am Legend.

Poor guy here :'(

I think my life's a goner in this world of love. Kinda regretted getting something expensive for her... My messages are never replied, my internet contact with her has perished, my conversations were basically wasted... Does anyone think I still have that glimmer of hope?

Again, that itch in my heart... My heart feels elsewhere, my mind not with me. What the hell am I doing?!

My life is like a story book.

And I can imagine how it is gonna make it to best-sellers series... Does anyone agree that their life is also a story?

I could never have felt so entangled in the heart. Something is strangling me in my heart, it really hurts.. From the time I have made a great friend, into getting ignored by the same guy for quite a while... From a young screw-up coward into a person who is not afraid of ball-to-the-face anymore, and now he loves basketball... From once when he met a group of guys, thinking that they were all intelligent in many things, include gaming, into becoming weekend cronies... From first seeing this pretty girl, tried joking a bit with her, seeing her laugh and stuff...

I probably cannot finish a fucking long story in one post, so I shall arrange the story based on my personal thoughts and troubles if any.

I shall start with two today: namely the great feeling of bonding with friends socially, and how love has troubled me...

Just now, playing basketball with friends have overcome much of my ball-to-the-face trauma. I didn't really get hit by the ball, however, just improved on ball handling and lay-ups. With two- no, three friends. Meng Ern, Terran, then Terence. We played basketball just as how others would normally do, laughed at each others' jokes, encouraged one another in our skills. I can admit here that this feeling, well... The social community is more welcoming than how I viewed it...

But now, my troubles... I cannot describe it fully, but hope someone can visualize it. It feels like something is around my heart. It feels heavy, and weird. My mind feels threatened by jealousy of love, or something else of love...? I feel this pain, I feel like crying... Why?! I really can't take it much longer. Telling me to fight this strong emotion alone with my own willpower and mind power... Please, someone help me overcome this fucking painful feeling.. Though I must admit I already know the base reason why...

The Social Studies exam was really painful. I had to rush everything. Basically in the previous few test, I wouldn't be able to finish up. In fact, all of them, I can never fully finish writing. Blame this fat and skill-less palms with long and clumsy fingers of mine. In the end, I still couldn't finish everything..

Tomorrow is Add Maths and POA paper 2. The first shall test on how much we have excelled, especially those efficient maths learners.. POA is basically something to pull down our class score..