For some reasons, my days are not enjoyable. I get this feeling that I have finally gone insane. Well, who doesn't? Having that very one girl you love and knew you would never fall for another girl because of her... avoid you... ignore you... I am quite certain that I have not lost my touch of humanity yet, but maybe I've lost my mind?

You can never fully trust a human. Every human in this world have more flaws in life, personality and attitude than compared to animals, like dogs and cats. They have complications even during their toddler years, yet they just create more for themselves. If you ask for the definition of life from a dog, it doesn't answer with words. It answer with its way of living: sleep, eat, play and show love to its owner. However, asking for the definition of life from a human. They use words to answer what proves their complication and stupidity, "I don't know."

Every single living matter in this world would have complications in life, ranging from one complication to a little few. However, since the introduction of homo-sapien into the diversity of life, this range have extended so much, you can measure the distance between Earth and Neptune to represent it.

God gave us the opportunity to walk this world. We were given happiness. "Happiness" means to be able to walk this planet and cherish what we are given with. Yet we have been influenced by our complications away from "happiness". How selfish we humans are...

The truth's out. The horrible truth indeed. So horrible that I almost considered killing myself over it. These few days I found no meaning in living anymore. That very sad truth... I lived my love unrequited, she is ignoring me, avoiding me, treating me as emptiness. I am nobody to her now. Maybe it could be a form of rejection. I can tell that my calculations were: 92% she threw the pendant away and disliked me after, 7% she kept the pendant and hated me, 1% she was thinking of something else and don't care about me. Maybe this is good news to those anonymous bitches who also like her if any. Obviously it is bad news to me. Good news or bad news to those I seldom meet?

19/11/10 The horrible truth is revealed.

So bored at home that I feel I may have what it takes to compose a SONG. What do you people feel about pop songs? Not a rapper here, but at least my rapping is adequate. Felt like composing the lyrics first before the guitar part. If only I could be better in playing the piano...

But this doesn't mean that I was very free today. I went to school for extra lessons. Then something happened a great deal that I feel guilty now. Chen Ying and Zhone Yee, you bitches! Using hand phones which don't belong to you is officially illegal and against the law. What's more, you motherfuckers used my phone to CALL HER!? Watch out. The next time we see, you gays are gonna suffer. Suffer a living hell.

The only people in this world who could fully understand what is in a Cancer's mind is God. I have so many things in mind that it disturbs my conscience. I have so many worries that it could easily fill up a storybook the thickness of one of the Harry Potter series by J.K Rowling. I have so many concerns that I could die of dry throat after listing out all of them.

What disturbs me are those referring generally to the four aspects of human life. I cannot fully relax over my studies and career target. I can never put my mind at ease over my love life. I cannot live to the fullest in my talents and hobbies. I cannot lift my head up coming to my social life.

My study capabilities are better than average. Although I still have space for improvement. Studies... Learning... Nothing can come by without a challenge. Even for my future career, I just can't seem to find an interest. I am still indecisive. Even if I could come to a decision, my only interest is in... casino business. Sounds way impossible...

I still have doubts about how much I know about that girl I like. I still cannot ask for a steady relationship yet. There still seems something amiss here. A Virgo, by right, should be easy to understand. However, their shyness or something like that makes it a challenge for their partner to understand them. I find it quite difficult to get more information of her myself, less say let her know more about me...

I also find myself having difficulties finding my potentials, my talents. I still don't know what I am born to do in this world. I thought talents come from hobbies, I pursued in basketball, one of the world's most famous sport. All I need is to clear my doubts about myself and trust myself I can do it. Oh and by the way, I DO have musical talents.

Socially, when in with my group of friends or/and cronies, I am a corny joker, an irritating troublemaker and stuff. When it comes to some of the others, I would somewhat silence... I have not much to chat about with them... Unless if it comes to basketball, or if I cause... trouble. (Y)

So, here's a generalization of my life and difficulties. What about yours?