Circle

  Every year in the first day of school, we would meet at least a few new people who are complete strangers, and we would naturally want to give them good first impressions of ourselves. Introduction, ice-breaking, then followed by friendship. BUT what happens when one had given a great first impression to the entire class, but perhaps fail to maintain one's level of pro-activity?

  The first week of school was totally planned by our senior facilitators. Activities, games, flag-day. Activities were plain stupid. Games too. Maybe the ice-breaking stuff ain't so bad, since we got quite a good laugh at the potential joker of our class. What my class think of me is totally different from my secondary school: More open-minded, not afraid to share my views on stuff, and... Sociable? On the first day of school, I practically acquitted to more than simply my classmates, more than simply my course-mates. I even befriended strangers two years older than me from Accountancy course. I really acted out of impulse, I guess...

  Overall, I find my current classmates pretty cool. I am once again in a class with more girls than guys. I met quite a few classmates who share almost exactly the same personalities as my previous classmates. There was one who shared the same voice as my Secondary School friend, Terran, although more outspoken and open than him. Then there were a handful of girls who behave exactly the same as my previous classmates: One plastic, one book-worm, one talkative, one or two pretty reserved. My new friends were either 9-gaggers or fighters. Oh yeah, and there is this guy who often gets teased by us. He admitted being 1.85m tall during his last height-taking, and looked pretty much like a tank to us. He too is reserved, and he could take personal jokes, unlike The Depressed Guy...

  I should never have shown my classmates that I am capable of taking risks without fear... That happened on Tuesday, when we played an inter-school game of Dodge-ball. The losing team had to forfeit, and my class had a certain history of losing practically EVERY single activity. Yet, I encouraged them to take part. In the end my entire class but me were eliminated. Turned out that I was the last "survivor". Well, at least we won. That was the only thing we actually won among all the activities.

  What I feel of my new class is like we are a family of sorts. We did everything, including lunch breaks, as a class. We never leave out anyone, unless the person chose to. I just feel that this class is way better than my Upper-Secondary class, taking into account on how classmates don't care about your feelings when being left out, and only cared for their own opinions and not anyone else's, and they just HAVE to get everything in their way. This new class, like an actual business amalgamation, needs everyone's opinion before acting. That is one thing I am proud of, because I feel pretty much, though incomparable, to my Primary School cronies who would never forget anyone in the circle. Although I have to admit, if not for someone in my new class who won't drop her personal impression of me being an introvert, I would have felt more welcome. That concludes with the fact that I may still stick to my Primary School friends(I can consider them as childhood friends, since 9-years-old is still included as childhood) more than my new classmate-social-circle...

Friends: A treasure not found with a map and shovel.

A New Beginning

  Oh dear... I just noticed that "Breaking Dawn" is actually a title for one of the main chapters of the Twilight Saga, so I'll be changing it. Still it took me pretty long to notice that...

  Now, I pretty much like the headline for this post. Really, I am serious. "A New Beginning". A new life in Polytechnic. Old ex-schoolmates, different attitude and approach towards my social life and whatever conflicts to come. I figured out that since my mindset has actually matured, so why not start making an impact on my future now? However, proud as I may be, I am not TOTALLY proud of what happened today...

  The business-admin course population is very high indeed. We were split into many small groups of 20 people each. I guess I was indeed fortunate enough that I landed in Group 7, which "7" is an adored number between me and my best childhood friends. Initially there was only one person who knew me. She only knew me for the once-introvert part of me(During my early stages of development). Then when I openly expressed myself... I am not sure if I was coherent enough...

  So I knew more than half my group, and befriended them along the way. Well... Kinda embarrassing for me to say this... My first few friends(Guys) all claim that I am the person among us who seems to be better in "interacting with the fairer sex", which is sorta ironic for my "softness" towards them... Anyways, we had more fun in ice-breaking games than station-activities. I am impressed at how well our seniors had planned everything, even though time-management and level of fun seems to have gotten beyond control. We were literally bored after the lunch break, which in turn caused our downfall in the station games, which I guess required "motivation". To put it simply, we were demotivated after the lunch break, although we were at our fullest in the "get-to-know-one-another-games".

  Same home area, same school, different courses. now that's what I call a "distant relationship". I mean my old friends, of course. We would sometimes board the same train in the station to the same destination. Then we would part ways within campus, them journeying on down the road and me scaling a mountain. We still talk together sometimes, well maybe except for a friend or two... Chat about how is life in campus. Chat about life outside campus. Chat about common interests. Chat to maintain relationships and kill time while boarding the robot-packed train.

  I sweat a lot these days... The combination of hot weather and inner-anxiety. I don't understand why I am anxious about, but I definitely know that I am endlessly preoccupied in my mind and can never stop thinking, and it became a bad habit. If only I could stop imagining totally random things, and get on with life with some space in the oak barrel for more fresh wine. If only I could find somewhere peaceful, quiet, cool, and penetrate into my mind and eradicate all those nonsense in me... That way, I can start a totally New Beginning.

Rash and Burn

  Today is the last day of slack for me. I find my holidays far too relaxing. Soon, and I mean VERY soon, my conventional 13~14-hours sleep will be reduced to half. Maybe I will even find myself lacking sufficient energy to get up from my comfy mattress at all. It is gonna be secondary-school-drill all over again. Mom is my human alarm clock, dog is my PHYSICAL alarm clock(She always lick my FACE whenever I let my guards down during sleep), bread and coffee for breakfast, and off we go, ready for yet another new adventure.

  Now, what caught my attention in Yahoo! News was about someone a year or two older than me committing suicide. She was half-Japanese, and was a student from Yishun Junior College. Let us see... In her blog she claims to have f***ed up ALL her important graduation papers. She had relationship problems(What one can expect from youths, especially cam-whores) and thus gave up in life.

  I hope I'm not being a jerk for saying this. Well, maybe a little... In my point of view, she was really, really foolish for a JC student to just give up and die, whether it is due to grades or... B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D... Seriously? I mean... There are even more people out there in Uganda dying, not out of personal conflicts, but were forced to. They had to die if they don't turn into terrorists. They can't even choose their way of life, so do you think they would want to choose death? Death is a pit. Leap in and you will never get out. Leap in and you will never be the same again. Leap in and you will never see how much the people around you cared for you... What I believe was the cause of her death was simple: A weak resolve in a weak romantic situation.

  I remember the first heart-break I had before. Everything dimmed as though a shadow was cast on me for the rest of my life. However I chose to ignore the shadow and walk. That is why I am still alive and well right now. I scored 219 in my PSLE, and couldn't go into my dream-secondary-school, Riverside Sec, and went to Evergreen Sec, but I still lived. I chose to live with a roof over my head, even though the roof was poor and contained not a single, decent sense of security. I could have easily killed myself and spend the rest of eternity tormented around by Satan, but I didn't. I chose to overcome all these shit, and smile when I feel down, and laugh when I cry.

  I have other friends with troubles far greater than simply grades, and yet they lived. I have a friend whose parents fought and quarreled EVERYDAY. His mother even threatened to hurl a kitchen knife on one of his friends once, although she didn't. Yet he didn't kill himself. He approached the school counselor for help. He felt better after that, and is now up and running. I have another great friend whose family was poor, and his parents fought quite a lot of times, though not as much as the former. He couldn't get along with any of his family members, especially his sister. And yet, he still breathes, laughs, walks and works. Sure, maybe all these family problems have taken a toll on his emotional health, but he is still alive.

  There were many, many similar situations which concern many other ex-schoolmates, but they haven't killed themselves, and I am glad they didn't. Killing themselves would spill blood over their school's emblem, scaring the next generation. Still, my point is, why should she commit suicide when she qualifies for JC, a much more rewarding opportunity? I WANT to enroll in JC, but couldn't because of my "parents". If I were her, bitch... How proud would I have been? Cloud-nine, or even cloud-nine-thousand. Sigh... For now, let us just learn from this lesson and cherish life.

  Oh yeah, and by the way, I am somewhat obsessed about memes because I just can't stop laughing whenever I see ANY meme(Except for a few which wasn't meant to be funny, and racist ones too).  Maybe I will post more tomorrow because tomorrow is presumably my "first day of Poly". that is if I am still alive, of course...