I may SEEM the party-type of person, or someone who is really sociable, but... Am I? Huge crowds make me really dizzy. I don't feel comfortable expressing many of my interesting views in conversations (Although I do when around my true friends). I feel meek whenever I get caught off-guard in a topic that unexpectedly involves me. All I can do in class nowadays is just laugh along when something humorous happens in class, or strike up a topic regarding what the teacher just went through. That was purely for participation marks. Even sometimes when I found the courage to share a joke of mine with my colleagues, they just glanced at me for a second and ignored it, save some who really cared and whom did giggle a bit in acknowledgement. That could be why I prefer hanging out with smaller group of friends, or just one or two, a small group at a time...
I don't know man... I am not the type of person into sexual jokes, and said type of jokes appear to be much more appealing to everyone... That could be why B.X. once mentioned I am a "joker with failed antics?" I might be the type of person who were never meant to be funny... Well... At least I tried, right? :)
Days after days, I feel more deviated from my friends than ever... Even my choices of words seem rude to some people. It has become a cycle... When I try to rack up my esteem to share my opinion about something, did it, people didn't appreciate it, and down goes my esteem. Or do people find the choice of words I use and decisions I make as arrogant? I do take pride in my work... But I never gloated at anyone... I never boasted that I am better than anyone else... Does my natural facial expression look like an arrogant person? Sigh...
We can conclude that a jaguar never changes its spots. Like our dear friend Rui How and his Borderline Personality Disorder which never changed, I too have a huge, incorrigible weakness which is almost impossible to eliminate. My dad claims that I am the bravest compared to my two siblings, but I always feel afraid. I am always afraid of some force unknown to me... This is gonna sound really extreme, but... ...
I am actually afraid of my own peers too...It is true... Really... I really don't know what to do anymore... Some friends just make me feel uncomfortable. The only times I really feel uncomfortable is no other than when I don't understand a single thing about a conversation (Halo, sex, some Youtube video). Yeah. Sometimes I make general comments, but I think, well... Maybe shutting up is a better option...
Okay. Let us review something else that is non-personal. Jeremy Lin leaves New York Knicks for Houston Rockets. Poor Knicks will no longer gain as much popularity with Jeremy Lin gone now... I don't really think it would impact their team performance much. Jeremy Lin ain't as decent a point guard as Jameer Nelson and that... That Rajon Rondo. :P
Ramadan officially starts today for our Muslim friends. The number of Muslims in my class is very few; I only have three colleagues who are Muslim. Three is also the population of Muslims in my class, one guy (Sweats a lot and is attracted to Chinese girls) and two girls (One ex-schoolmate). Now there will be one less colleague to be eating with in-between lessons.
The funny thing about Poly life is that recess don't exist at all; just breaks. Breaks range from one to two hours. Poly is a heavily-populated area of education, unlike Junior College. A seem-relaxing-but-not life in Poly. Second term of first year and we already have five major projects that count towards at least 40% of our grades...
Gotta work hard, play harder. But first I gotta... sleep...
