Duty

Ever since those countless invitations from Junior Colleges and Polytechnics placed in my home's mailbox, my mother has constantly been bugging and nagging at me. Recently, I caught this 'feel' which made me start on my homework, since today. This 'feeling' is undoubtedly known as the 'Sense of Duty'. It kinda started when I had a sleepless night yesterday. I truly mean 'sleepless', because I was awake all the way until 1am. I just felt that "it was best to do the thinking at night". I thought of how screwed I could end up if I didn't touch on my current assignments. Surely I did some easier ones like both Mathematics and Chemistry and POA, but I have yet to do what ain't done for my CH Humanities... oh, and not forgetting the accursed Physics. After all, it's true that I have to deliver some awesomely done assignments so as to look good in front of classmates, right?

Counting as of now, we have less than four months to the 'O' Levels. I have to prepare myself for another one of those moments of my life. In fact, it affects just any Singaporean's lives.

In every training is a test
For every test needs training

I just sorta heard this proverb before, but not sure the origins. Probably from an Asian, as it sure sounds Asian to me. It literally means the reason to why we work is to fulfill a goal, and that not matter what the goal is, something has to be done. Fulfilling one's duty, that is.

Restless

I should, and I MUST, convince myself to relax and realign myself back to the "study mood". I swear I did get proper rest everyday, and I can assure too that I am eating healthy, gauging 2 liters of water, if not more, every single day. I don't have any persistence of my asthma, and I certainly did accomplish at least 30 sit-ups and 10 push-ups, if not more, EVERYDAY. However, why am I so restless? Why do I still feel that troubled? And for the most of it, WHY DO I STILL DREAMING OF HER?

Unable to multitask as I usually do at home, such as blogging, listening to 98.7FM, and doing my CH(Combined Humanities) Literature assignments, all at the same time. There certainly are unfinished business that I haven't attend to. Or maybe I just.. well.. miss her. There is a superstitious saying from my parents that:
If A(guy) keeps dreaming of B(guy) in his sleep, B is very important to A. If A(guy) dreams of B(girl) in his sleep consistently, then A definitely misses B.
However, I ain't superstitious, so I ain't totally convinced of that saying.

Sometimes, healthy but restless people were just distracted by activities which they deem "interesting", but this "interesting" things just failed to enlighten them. Briefly speaking, they are just bored. However in some times, restless means troubled. Mostly because of stress that they can't control, or something is "missing" in life. I feel that it could be either one, or even both.

Deep in my heart are two requests:
one is "Someone, please enlighten thee".
while the other feels more of a quest:
"I'm sorry... Please forgive me."

Three Days

Vacation of nightmares. I could barely have a proper rest over there. So many things I'm dissatisfied with that I could even list them out. Almost everything that happened there are undesirable stuffs that I could have gotten myself killed there. I am not a couch potato either, so I won't mind lounging around in those cheap shopping centers... I despise that vacation because:

1) I had no chance of having that "roti prata"(traditional Malay dry-fried bread) in that famous store in Kuala Lumpur, just because my racist aunt 'could not' eat food which didn't belong to Chinese tradition.

2) All online communication were unavailable.

3) The adults had no sense of sophistication, such that the 3-storey terrace house, supposedly constructed for high-class living, was designed so effortlessly that it could give anyone the impression of a loser living in a temporary home.

4) Both my siblings were obsessed with their stupid DS R4 and always chat to each other about it, leaving me out like a goddamn loner.

5) Whenever I had the urge for the restroom, I MUST address at least one adult, whom none of them were approachable and always ignored me while in their 'mature' conversations. I had no chance of interrupting them even with a bloated bladder.

6) Just because I had a cousin who lived in the same roof and whom bear some grudge against me, my life there was rendered miserable, so badly that I could only sleep after 2.30am EVERYDAY!!!

7)Always eating junk food like over-fried chicken that have been left out for the bacteria to feed on them first before we eat them.

8) The streets are filled with all kind of dangerous people whom either drive worse than children or quarrel in the middle of the street.

9) People crashed into me without apologizing.

10) Litterbugs everywhere. They even threw Styrofoam boxes on the street and didn't feel guilt at all.

11) We watched "Green Lantern" there, only ending up with a black screen of death right at the climax of the movie. I didn't get to see how Hal Jordan managed to kill that Parallax dude. Sucks!

12) I wanted to have some peace and quiet in that stupid shared room between my siblings. While I was listening to my own music, my elder brother and that asshole cousin kept bothering me about the music I listened to.

13) Eating a goddamn coffee-cake during my naive aunt's UNOFFICIAL birthday surely is a no-go, especially during 1am. Goddamn it, she didn't even remember when is her birthday.

14) My neighbor-supposedly-relative's dog was worse than a normal dog. Peeing here and there, it even peed RIGHT ON MY FOOT! I wanted to smack it hard on its butt, but my aunt scolded me for being violent.

15) I was never spared some time to work out. Now my legs feel heavy and my arms flabby. This could never have happened if I went insane and work out during 4am. Nope, I ain't that insane yet.

Vacations are meant for enjoyment and leisure, yet it felt more like 24/7 of naught. I couldn't get myself anything just because my father was prudent and controlled what we could get for ourselves. I was never treated properly and fairly. It is as if they expected and WANTED me to stray myself into a good-for-nothing in society. They even think I was born by accident. I am indeed forced into total independence, just like Singapore gaining independence from Malaysia...