Finally! Common tests are over! Now, we are heading for Term 2. However, This is bad news. Really bad news. The Chinese O Level paper is coming out soon. In fact, 3 months is all I've to study for this paper. I always flunked Chinese. I kinda feel worried for this as I really don't want to fail even a single subject. Sloth is a huge obstacle for me. I always seem to procrastinate myself into thinking that there's always be tomorrow. And now, I asked myself, "Today is the final day before the O levels. Wanna wait for tomorrow?" Perhaps this will be a great insult to myself, given that I was an esteemed youth who always strive for excellence. Well, I think I'm just too cocky about everything. Just today, I got back my Physics common test and received got 15/40. That's 37.5% of the test, thus this means I'm on the "fail" level already. Furthermore, my Physics teacher said that this is indeed the standard for the O Levels. I do hope I could get some time to study outside; be it the school library, a regional library, or even in a KFC restaurant. I won't mind, as long as I could rid of the slack in me...

Nowadays I would prefer to go for recess alone. However I'm NOT declaring that I'm a solitary nature person. Rather, I dared myself to do so, after encountering an article in (z.b. comma) Chinese newspaper, involving the issue of "Eating alone". It went like this: teenagers of this era can never do things alone as they must have company; they are all too dependent. Our generation is nicknamed "The Strawberry Generation" because of this. We grow just like strawberries in bushes, all clustered together in their growth. I wanted to prove myself free from this cowardice; by hanging out with my own man, who is myself. Besides, I DO have friends who invited me to play basketball during recess. In fact, 11 of my friends asked whether I wanted to play basketball, but I gave the excuse "Nah... I want to study for POA."

There was a major consequence for this... Well... I guess I could say it here...
It's like this. Remember I've always said that I want to leave a good impression and image to the girl that I like for being a "social"? Because of this, she did saw me and I was alone. Guess what? That girl, just like other cowards, die-die must stick to a friend; whether it was her crony or even long-time-no-see friends. Here's something I felt weird. Whenever I was with friends and her as well, she was like don't even want to face me. Then this, I just stood outside my class and reading my "book". Then she was like, looking at me and I'm not sure what she was thinking at the moment. All I do know is that she doesn't think as much as me, nor L. Probably her mind was blank or she was daydreaming of that gangster-cosplay, no-life snob son-of-a-bitch and his shitty world of Audition. Well, even MY avatar looked cooler than his; I just bought whatever I could afford and wore them, while he spent his parents money on worthless cash and bought useless stuff to wear around his character in an attempt to prove his gangsterism in the virtual world when he's just an utter failure in life. Whoa! I went off-track a lot...

I've seen NONE who dare do that (recess alone), other than a Primary School friend of mine, who is part of the "hang-out" cronies of mine. His name is Brandon. He once told me he ate his lunch alone and even talked to himself so that He wouldn't feel alone. I can't tell if it was just a lie to convince me, or did it really happen. But still, he's one of my friends in the past and present.

I sincerely apologize to everyone out there who visited my blog before and did not find much updates. Well, my blog was dead, only for temporary. After all, I am the kind of guy who is possible in achieving rebirth :)

Anyways... To speak of my mind right now, I feel heartache. I don't know why. I have yet to reconcile with the girl I like, I thought maybe I might need more time for this. Also, I seem to have changed again. A drastic change in emotions. Wonder why though... Only for today did my heart heave a lot. It cost me my appetite in the afternoon and evening. It made me sidetrack off my work which is vital for preparing for the common tests this term. It preoccupied me and made emo songs play in my mind like a broken music recorder. I thought maybe I left out on a lot of things in my life, such as playing basketball and doing sit-ups and pumping. Instead, I have aimed for the better; doing hand-stand pumping. This requires pure effort as one must never think of toppling over and landing on their neck, which obviously would kill.

However, again, I thought, "What's the use of this?"

Doing such a pointless thing, does it improve others impression of your Herculean strength, or does it just make people think of you as a brainless brute? Is it really worth risking your neck for a mere stunt which ultimately hurts you? Indeed, my life do have flaws; I'm not perfect.

The definition of "brilliance" is not easy to decipher. Take Albert Einstein for an example. He was born a "Mutant" as he was able to invent (E=m c^2) and other intelligent stuffs. However hard he 'deviates' from our society in terms of intelligence, he is NOT perfect. A "brilliant" man is not one who could do 5000 chin-ups. He is not one who gets 8 A1s out of 8 subjects either. There were never ways to achieve "brilliance". From then, I knew it was time to face reality. I was never a splendid person. I was just too cocky, too immature to think that I could outmatch everyone in my school in terms of sports and fitness, studies and leadership. Constructing false beliefs and visions in my mind was fool's play. I know this world well; no one is "brilliant". None in this world can even strive supremacy if one can't even surpass oneself.