Bliss

The End of The End... The GCE 'O' Level examinations are quickly coming to an end. What bugs my mind the most right now is the fact that tomorrow is Social Studies examination, the bane of all students, and I am here blogging as though it never existed. I really don't know how to survive this. Not anymore. Are my skills for the Source-Based Questions enough to score me enough to pass this test? This is one of the three final tests; the Test of Luck. Thus far, I have only memorized the principles of governance and measures to control traffic. Others like reasons to promote population growth, ageing population, conflicts and consequences of conflict in Sri Lanka and Northern Ireland are very vague; not enough to score my 'C's... Worse still, there were rumors that 'traffic in Singapore' will never come out as the 'N' Level students have already sat for that topic... The next two final tests are those that will determine whether I will ace both of my Pure sciences, get 'B's, or pathetic 'C's.

I really, really, really DON'T WANT to land in an engineering course. I am just not interested in these mechanic-attributed courses, as I really get very sleepy when it comes to Physics. No matter how best and interesting my teacher was, I'd fall asleep inside; they would never notice. Most of the time when I take naps in class, my head would not be on the table. I would just blank out and look as though I am dreaming about something. No. I ain't a dreamer. Sometimes when I slack, music would smoothly run over my mind. The lyrics clear as the sound of a drop of water landing in a pool secluded in a room of vacuum.

Moreover, I am more interested in certain courses that require skills and insights, or presentation and projectworks, such as business or media. Life sciences would be okay, too, if not for the dozens of dozens of complicated names for chemicals and whatever putty and gooey stuff involved in these courses. My current aspiration is to land in a Junior College. Despite my poor standard in Mother Tongue. I wouldn't mind actually; what's important is that I ace my other subjects to cover up for my setbacks. Of course I do have back-up plans too: what I mentioned earlier in this paragraph.

I find it hard to swallow. I really don't want to leave my current friends venturing into my new life. I feel as though I belong to a family already... How should I explain it... Well... Anyone read "The Chrysalids"? Chapter 10, I think. When David admitted that he is closer to the other telepaths than to his own sisters. That's exactly how I feel right now. Especially because I am going to have to say goodbye to newfound friends, two-years cronies, four-years ex-classmates, six-years close friends... six-years lover... If I encountered a genie, my three wishes would be:

1) Wish one of my good friends bliss in his/her future
2) Wish another good friend of mine bliss in his/her future
3) Wish for more wishes (or genies for three more wishes)
3) 1) Wish another good friend bliss in his/her future
3) 2) Wish another good friend bliss in his/her future
3) 3) Wish for more wishes (or genies for three more wishes)
.
.
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Until finally... Wish for bliss in my own future...

What is the True Definition of 'bliss'? I have found the Definition of 'bliss' which I want. Although it may not come true...

"To reconcile with the lost, To reunite with the beloved"

This may not be yours. Everyone will find his or her own Definition of 'bliss' one day. One day...

Ideologies

Thanks to what we call 'globalization', I have encountered even more challenges than how life could have been better for my parents in olden days of Singapore. It just have to be THIS coincident that I met my own downfall and reincarnation. THIS coincident that I have met and befriended people with different ideologies. THIS coincident that I lost many great friends, but gained new great friends. I can recall this show in Channel 8, which this person said something like "There are no 'ifs' in this world; only consequences." So, I guess I cannot say anymore 'ifs' in my life. If I had to repent over these consequences, I would gladly do so. Life is not just about love. Life is not just about eating, sleeping and pooping. Life is a stretch of road branching to many other roads to even more roads. Life, if I could give a word to describe it, would be the word "Spark"; A wisp of energy surging in many directions and fades in the speed of light.

Recently, life is quite enjoyable, if not lonely sometimes. Enjoyable in a mediocre way. I gave up nearly all hopes of those people in this "Lions Club", for fear that their peverted ideologies of Internet-trolling and animal-pornography might haunt me. I mean- it is already a big-time gossip that nerds like them are only interested in socializing on the Web by making fun of memes and their own people, and spend the entire evening and night playing Team Fortress 2, if not watching animal porn and what they call "hentai". For what I could remember, someone in class started a gossip that one of these goons watched this 'hentai' thingy on his I-phone when there was no teachers around. If someone can answer this question of mine, perhaps I can understand what the hell were these people in my class doing: Why do people find pornography so entertaining?

Anyways, so I started hanging out and befriending and socializing with my ex-classmates and people from other classes. Yeah... As usual, I don't really have much interest in stuffs happening in Facebook(like how people complain their parents ill-treat them or abuse them for the sake of pleasure) and video games, like Team Fortress 2. I admit that actually, I am much more interested in games that involve zombies and survival, The Sims(Please, please, please don't call me a sissy D:) and of course... Pokemon! Well... Back to the point. I rarely find a chance to crack jokes and entertain my friends these days. We are all worried for ourselves and have barely the time and energy to humor ourselves. So... Usually, and I reiterate 'usually', we would discuss and prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally for the upcoming papers. For example, friends would approach me to ask me questions involving Chemistry or Combined Humanities, and sometimes Additional Mathematics. I would answer them and, in the meantime, help myself. I find this both conventional and more productive. Also, the encouragement from who I can actually CALL friends can encourage my self-esteem and finally excel in the papers. For instance, I have really high confidence for my Elementary Mathematics, Chemistry(SPA) and Additional Mathematics subjects.

Oh yeah... There was something which I wanted to post a week ago or two... It could have been Fate once again, or it could be out of a person's will, that I befriended this girl. For Internet safety, I shall not address her real identity. How we met for the first time was purely by her compassion, when there was a time a lot of us failed to finish an essay on time and were 'condemned' into after-school schoolwork. I was unfortunately the slowest, as Literature was once my weakest subject, second to Social Studies. Everyone else had finished their essays and proceeded to hand in their assignments to my Literature teacher. She finished the essay quite effortlessly(Which I believe is the conventional "anyhow-do" method adapted by many Singaporean youths). I labored a lot of effort into the essay, which had killed a lot of time.

Just as I barely finished the last point, everyone had left. Except her. She stood there waiting for me to finish. I told her, "I may take quite a while, so why not go first?" She continued standing in front of my table, and replied casually for me to finish it first before we submit our essays together. Anyone can blatantly guess the fact that I CANNOT read girls' minds, so I didn't know why... Maybe she didn't want to be alone facing our teacher for fear of humiliation in front of his class? Maybe she was already born with a heart of compassion? Maybe she wanted to befriend me and get to know me better? I don't know...

She introduced me to new people, who had really amusing ideologies and easily-humored. I met my incarnation. I became the sarcastic, cocky joker whom many had known me for in my childhood, although more mature and disciplined in the sense that there is a limit to fooling around.

She once shared with me her personal ideology, that life is about living to one's fullest. I could remember when she said that if she sort of found out that she had a certain incurable disease and death awaits, she would rather enjoy and party to her heart's content than resent that she had lived. Then there was another time, yesterday, when she said that she believe that death is much more merciful than something... Something that has got to do with hereditart disease or... I can't remember...

Anyways, I learned many things in this short period of time. Much more things than how much I have learnt from three years. The various conflicting ideologies that different people may have over the same issues. How they can be altered; how they can have more than one view about something. Something that changes as one grows. Human mind is much more difficult to fathom than a computer CPU hardware and all that matrix when a computer undergoes some *beep* and *toot* maintenances... By the way, speaking of 'years', does anyone suppose that I am abusing the use of time in my posts?

I hope this is not a Sin...