The teachers and social life with the community is pushing me into a dilemma: do or die. What the hell should I do?

Nobody would believe me if I were t say that I had this recurring voice within my mind. Telling me something, but I can't clearly decipher it. Mind-games are just too complicated. Those voices... are they saying "... will... find... something?"

Today, again, was a wasted day. I wanted to visit someone's (I don't feel safe to mention HIS name) house. But was rejected and forced me to waste time. Though I got the opportunity to go to Causeway Point... alone.

You should be able to find the definition of loser below. I sound sooo much like a person of solitary life.

Today was epic. I didn't listen in every single lesson. On top of that, time seems to fly ever so quickly. Today's CCD lesson was also very retarded. With Mr. Lee ordering Fitri to pronounce the Chinese word of the Harvest Festival, all sorts of nonsense i class and finally, we got our report cards. I failed 5 subjects though... Can't blame me: All of the tests given were nightmare.

Nowadays, my eyes cannot control tear flow, my heart cannot stop heaving, my mind cannot stop stressing. Based on prediction, this is not Cancerian traits. I'm just worrying a lot.

This may sound ridiculous, but the definition of loser: Sm who cannot rely on him/herself but relies only on friends or the people around them.

God; why am I saying all these?

Kinda found lyrics for the song found way below, supported by beemp3..

Oh Holy land
Come ancient spirit
Take up my hand
And guide me

Pull me to shore
Rivers are rising
Look in this heart
And find me

I've lost my way
Your voice is silent
I need you here
To remind me

Show me now
How to find my home
All I am
Surrender

Let the water flow right through this broken soul

I fought by your side
Ashes still burning
I proved my worth
So tell me why

I've lost my way
Your voice is silent
I need you here
To remind me

Show me now
How to find my home
All I am surrender

Tell me that you can forgive
Bring me peace that I may live

Show me now
How to find my home
All I am
Surrender

Oh sweet rest
Find me at my home
Stick with me
Forever

Let the water flow right through this broken soul

Frustration

Seen the word on title frequently?

The third time I accidentally make others think how unmanly I had became. I would say that blood is worth spilling more than tears. But I really couldn't control already. This feel of despair in me is so great that I think it can cause a coma in an ordinary person.

a) Maybe I was wrong.
b) Also, maybe, but I also hope so, that I might be born for great things?

The cure is invaluable: ample and steady bit of rest from school work. I doubt it is receivable. Already, I got picked on by two teachers for sleeping: Mr Lee and Mrs Lee. *sigh* I do hope my future isn't a dull one...

Unfortunate, but already suspected, outcomes had happened today. It was rather sad, because I was dismissed late without any warning.. Here's the best part: If anyone knows or remembers a CCD lesson known as exam stress management, they did mention symptoms of stress. If a person has >6-7 of them, they are stressed. Well, your friend here (me, of course) has went through ALL of the symptoms..

I really was sobbing and couldn't control. It was really crazy. That bitch teacher Mrs Lee sure doesn't understand her students well enough. I was trying to chill out a little, resting on the table to relax.... I ADMIT I WAS CRYING, K??

Tomorrow, she's gonna bitch on me again. I am sure I can explain properly if I finish my work properly....

The posts BX publishes on his blog spot sure is RARE and LONG.. Unlike mine, which is common, short and usually epic by popular demands...

Starting to get the hang of experts' pace of studying. Now all I need left is to clear my mind of love doubts, clear my brain of excessive manganese and clear my throat from saliva O_o

A little bit of rest is also needed, especially in this pace of study. My focus must also be sharp and constant, my mind clear of everything except important stuffs like answer presentation in E & A maths, concepts and applications of accounting, physics theory, chemistry theory, economics, politics and social issues of Singapore relating to Social Studies, how to use good vocabulary and language in compositions, ways and means of quick analyzing skills for comprehension, how to speak proper Chinese, the tuning, gearing and bulky positions of the interiors of a car, working out on build, speed, stamina, learning proper hygiene and stop biting my fingernails when I get upset or stressed.

Whoa!! So many things to handle in one go...

LOL What a joke!! My previous Pri Sch best friend, Lim Rui How, had proposed secretly to a girl, Venessa Lim. Fancy a person disgracing his family's name by incest*.

Anyways, what a joke it was today. Not being able to start the engine in my heart designed "Courage", just because I lost my "key"...


*Incest refers to having a crush, falling in love with or even kissing a person who is family or already possess the same family/surname since birth.

Whenever I thought of the past I had, it was enough to make me feel gray and shivery. But I kept thinking: Are all Cancerians like me supposed to go through this ordeal of pain?

I was such an asshole today. Hanging out all by myself this afternoon in Circle Green.

This round, slummy building supposedly hold some interconnections with the past. I tend to get nostalgic upon stepping into that building. Even now, I glare through the window in this computer room, its right over there. 000 bearing from where I am standing now. How creepy...

First day of Term 4 is supposedly expected to be stressful, and here we are, all stressed out. Eventually, someone's gonna die soon. I reckon it shall NEVER be me, nor any of my friends. Probably some fat-tard who cannot even tolerate noises of magnitude 5 from outside the class and end up shouting "SHUTT UPP!!" It was real disturbing, really..

Anyways, I kept mentioning that on the 24th September, something big is gonna happen, but truth is, it is Brandon's birthday. Nothing to be paranoid for, as it will be happy for us and blessed for him.