Warmth

Just two more papers. I will have to sharpen my senses. Not to the fullest though, lest it might break. I have to sharpen it and shade to my potential. I have to blacken those tiny boxes and prove everyone else that I'm no pushover in my subjects. I must prove my friends wrong, that I never regretted receiving the subject combination I dreaded. I must prove my friends wrong, that I never regretted retaining the Pure Sciences. I must prove to everyone else that I will always get back to my feet after every fall. I will not allow myself to relax and sit back on my (cheap) couch and say that "Everything's over". These two upcoming papers, well enough, will determine whether I succeed as a wealthy filth, or fail as a miserable sod getting a job he dreaded since he was young.

There are still a couple more days before he can rest his rusted arms. Counting down from now... Including today... 8 more days. Just 8 more days. Excluding today, that will be a week. One more week until he can finally take his long-desired break. One more week until he can take cover from his horrid past. One more week until he can sojourn from his long journey of flight. One more week until he can enjoy a moment of wamth...


Today is the second day when I actually get something from my parents on a family outing. Yesterday was a smaller headset for social outing with friends, because my current, and only, one is too large and inconvenient. I suppose it could be placed into good use, like when playing Audition next time. Today, my father agreed to buy me a new laptop in preparation for Polytechnic education next year. I ain't a spoilt-sport, so I am not asking for anymore. Ever. About time I realize just how much I have fed from my parents' life savings for my own selfish desires. I am now convinced that I am indeed in the wrong here. I will have to find a part-time job, get my first-month salary, and repay them. Very soon.


I actually feel lethargic even after they finally bought me what I wanted a few years ago. I just don't feel right. I feel wrong. A long time ago, I wanted a laptop so that I could play online games and chat with my friends without motion-lags... Now it feels different. Like... I don't really desire this laptop anymore. This is going to sound unnatural... All I wanted was love... Family love... I want to feel home. I just know that home is NOT a place for me only to be eating and bathing and sleeping. It is supposed, and meant, to be havenfor every living beings on this planet. 'Home' is a place where warmth is abundant. Even as I got this laptop, I just felt colder. I want warmth... It has been so long since my parents actually showed me directly that they do care for me as their son...

A House, not a Home.