"A rifle's strength is incompetent to the inner bravery of a timid person." ---Infamous quote from Alvin Yo himself.

My friend Meng Ern was a witness to me giving a shot to wooing the girl I love. I understand I was really a failure in the past and I admit I was... Through that particular day, Tuesday if not wrong. Me and Meng Ern was going to Mac after the Tuesday paper of A maths and POA. Then the few from 3 Aspire were still not done with their POA paper. I suggested that we camp in Circle Green so that I could meet up with her and discuss about the paper. Of course Meng Ern did not believe in my success. Well, who does? I was "miraculously" successful in talking to her. Big deal. It's not as if she wasn't human... It was then. After that, Meng Ern asked me, "You looked like an idiot when chatting with her. but, how did you get that bravery?"

This is really hard to answer. I tried my best to rephrase my answer such that it was easier for him to understand me. Truth was, I kinda had an alter ego the first time we(with her, of course) met. Two sides of me: that closet guy who was really timid and only indirectly nice towards his friends, and the dare-devil who die-die must do something big. Upon meeting with the very few, special cronies of mine, the latter appears. You wouldn't need me to mention who, do you?

Our school is ever so ready to ruin our personal life affairs. Why the hell should we be forbidden from social interaction with the lower secondary bunch of students? Have we done anything wrong by saying hi to those younger than us? Has Mr Chan ever seen any Secondary 3 or 4 guy hugging and kissing with a Secondary 1 or 2 girl? If this persists, even I am forbidden from interacting with my brother in Secondary 1...

I actually failed Physics, Chemistry, MT and Combined Humanities. If only Social Studies was disposable... I especially hate Social Studies... Scoring a mere 30% to SS and 50% to Lit, overall means a D7 for my Combined Humans... OUCH!!

Today... was a joke. Merely got a heart attack from all that scares of failing my English Language and mixed with the polluted air around us. Felt dizzy very easily when many people passed me and I don't know why. Very dizzy when thinking of what that previous dream I had was like last night.

Here's what I feel right now: retarded. My mind cannot relax. I cannot get over even 6 seconds of waiting for the computer to load given that its average speed is 26 seconds to load Facebook. I punch and wrestle the computer when it doesn't fulfill my patience. Even now I'm forcing my bony and red fingers on the keyboard. If this continues... Maybe I would have destroyed the whole computer and CPU in 3 minutes.

But why? Why is this world so unnaturally round? Everything is so prejudiced towards me. Feels as though you have to suffer another round of torture after going through 13 levels of Hell. I feel... scared. Perhaps I am in the evolution chain of Retardation? O Father bless me for I know I have sinned.

Dream: Second Realm

Rather than some retarded non-human, this time, I was human. That should be obvious. Well, this world is very, very congruent to the world we live in. Truth hurts, I was dreaming of having time spent with that girl I fell for.

It was scary, because the chronological order is really disturbing my conscience. First, we chat normally about random stuff. Then we were in this bus to a high-rise building. Damn creepy, it was 40 floors, we went all the way to the top. I still can recall how awesome the starry night was.

Here's the disturbing part. Suddenly her close pal, I cannot tell you who, gooseberry into our conversation. I can remember their discussion, "He is only useful to me, nothing else..." This "he"... Is it me, or someone else?

If one day, I was totally serious, would people laugh at me?

Just now was one of those sessions of playing basketball with only 1 friend. Seems that my other friends weren't free, or they forgot about me. But before that, I went to Brandon's house to chill out awhile. Yeah, playing his Nintendo Wii and stalling time until 3pm, where we played in Internet cafe. Obviously, we played Left 4 Dead 2, with all those new map and new weapons, we kinda owned much. Funny was, anyone who entered was kicked out...

Life is harsh to me, especially entering my Age of Training. The Age of Training does not welcome rests and small breaks while forcing on pain to me. My asthma kept working up just now. To stop these, I just have to think: "Who gives a fuck about asthma?" I frequently get thirsty in matches but my perseverance is one in a million: "People who worry even 5 minutes of thirst are marshmallow men!!"