I ain't a reckless person. But what I did proved otherwise. I was embarrassed in front of class simultaneously. Has anyone ever considered how were my feelings when all I did was chat a bit with my friends and getting claims by my teacher to be "distracting" him? Furthermore, the whole class looked at me and gave me the black look. Everyone was talking, including me, and of everyone the teacher has to pick M-E?!
However this didn't happen for the first time. I was picked on by authority a lot of time before; from the times teachers pointed and scolded me for my mischief to that time in City Hall when a NS-man caught me for jumping over that blockade from us crossing the street of army tanks. I ain't scared anymore. I won't cower without a stand for myself. I'm not a coward, I'm definitely NOT gay. I won't hide from the authority anymore. Instead this is where I bring up a fight regardless of authority and power, long as my opponent is someone who tries to do harm to my friends, and myself.
March 26, 2011
March 25, 2011
Fragments
For your information, this is my 165th post. Ever since I started this blog, life's changed. Yet tradition doesn't. Like before, I always had misunderstandings and conflicts with my family. This happened on the exact frequency as compared to my past.
My parents were forever on the lookout on my every movement. They just had nothing better to do than to screw me. Unlike Mr Jackass(Jacky), they always pinpoint on how I underperformed in my grades. This is my conflict with my parents.
My brothers are all the same; they can't be bothered to be updated on how I am now. As long as I'm around, their impression would be "asshole" or "annoying". My bastard brother went to the extent of calling me an "extra". Well, screw him. As long as that fuck stays clear of whatever shit I'm doing, I'm fine. I don't have much conflicts with my younger brother though. Maybe sometimes he's in a bad mood (Well he's FOREVER in bad moods) then will he remain silent even when I was speaking to him. Any considerations of how I feel when ignored especially in my current state?
My conflict with my grandmother, who I nicknamed him "Rotten Orange" because he ate a rotten orange from his random friend, fainted and interrupted our holidays and made us rush all the way from Malacca to Singapore. This was a total waste of time. Anyways, my conflict with him was Going Green vs Bad Habit. He has a bad habit of switching on the goddamn laundry lights and leaving it on all the way from last night to the next morning. While I now have a developed habit to counter this, either by switching off the light and get complained by him to my parents, or I just take the house mop and FUCKING SWING IT ON THE LIGHT BULB and still get scolded by my parents.
Pretty routine things are happening. But as I said, life's changed. I'm no longer concerned about my past horrible experiences. Although I still have a zombie phobia. I'm no longer crazy about that girl like before. I never express my depressions through being an emo, like my Spartan friend. I found out that resolve doesn't come in whole; they are like fragments waiting to be pieced together to give a clear picture. I have many small fragments of resolve in my life. Once I attain all of them, I shall join them together. I will find the big picture in my life. I will find the reason why I was born in this world; what is my role in this world; of what purpose is my actions going to get the world to achieve. All this... I'll just have to wait later.
My parents were forever on the lookout on my every movement. They just had nothing better to do than to screw me. Unlike Mr Jackass(Jacky), they always pinpoint on how I underperformed in my grades. This is my conflict with my parents.
My brothers are all the same; they can't be bothered to be updated on how I am now. As long as I'm around, their impression would be "asshole" or "annoying". My bastard brother went to the extent of calling me an "extra". Well, screw him. As long as that fuck stays clear of whatever shit I'm doing, I'm fine. I don't have much conflicts with my younger brother though. Maybe sometimes he's in a bad mood (Well he's FOREVER in bad moods) then will he remain silent even when I was speaking to him. Any considerations of how I feel when ignored especially in my current state?
My conflict with my grandmother, who I nicknamed him "Rotten Orange" because he ate a rotten orange from his random friend, fainted and interrupted our holidays and made us rush all the way from Malacca to Singapore. This was a total waste of time. Anyways, my conflict with him was Going Green vs Bad Habit. He has a bad habit of switching on the goddamn laundry lights and leaving it on all the way from last night to the next morning. While I now have a developed habit to counter this, either by switching off the light and get complained by him to my parents, or I just take the house mop and FUCKING SWING IT ON THE LIGHT BULB and still get scolded by my parents.
Pretty routine things are happening. But as I said, life's changed. I'm no longer concerned about my past horrible experiences. Although I still have a zombie phobia. I'm no longer crazy about that girl like before. I never express my depressions through being an emo, like my Spartan friend. I found out that resolve doesn't come in whole; they are like fragments waiting to be pieced together to give a clear picture. I have many small fragments of resolve in my life. Once I attain all of them, I shall join them together. I will find the big picture in my life. I will find the reason why I was born in this world; what is my role in this world; of what purpose is my actions going to get the world to achieve. All this... I'll just have to wait later.
March 21, 2011
Over here in Woodlands it's weak rain, flashing lightning and silent thunder. Pretty ugly weather for the beautiful and cheerful Singapore. Now even I dare say that Singapore ain't the Singapore we had in the past. Things seem to go the way I intuited. For example, when I was 12, I expected teenagers to watch pornography and start using sexual jokes. These sexual jokes are even more 'popular' than satires, depending on the situation. Back in the olden days, we liked to call some of the gals as guys, and a lot of guys as girls. However for our common language slang to describe girl-guys we call them "gays", and guy-girls as "lesbians". In the past I predicted that some gangsters would grow worse overtime, even to the extent of murder. Now, there was a freak incident of a 19-years old guy being stabbed to death by gangsters. These gangsters no longer exist after granted the death penalty. In the past I foretold that something big is going to happen, and here it is... Japan suffering earthquake, tsunami and nuclear explosion.
Today was very awkward indeed. I couldn't finish up ALL the March holiday assignments, yet I was spared from the rod. I was kinda aware of the fact that I'm losing my sense of ego. My id is taking over me... I was pretty annoying to my classmates, some started to get pissed off by me, some started rumors of me being a dick to everyone... I would sadly say this about myself: I was born to be a trouble. No matter what I do, and what I shouldn't, I did and didn't. I avoided causing trouble and then was accused of being "lazy". Then I tried doing something to participate and here I am causing trouble... Of what role do I serve in my school's activities, the extra?
I didn't lose hope of existence just yet. Whether people love me or hate me, time still flows. In life, I can somehow "control" my own time. I could kinda control time by the "just believe" factor, as well as my emotions and morale. For instance, now. I feel somewhat "high" and believe that I could slow down the river of time. Thus, I think I've finished this post in less than 15 minutes. How wonderful...
The reason why I title this blog "Timeless Will"... "Timeless" holds the meaning of the idiom "Rome was not built overnight", for I seek to grow in a steady pace, while listening to the murmurs of the river. "Will" was imported from my friends blogs title, yet holds a meaning of "Don't die just yet".
Today was very awkward indeed. I couldn't finish up ALL the March holiday assignments, yet I was spared from the rod. I was kinda aware of the fact that I'm losing my sense of ego. My id is taking over me... I was pretty annoying to my classmates, some started to get pissed off by me, some started rumors of me being a dick to everyone... I would sadly say this about myself: I was born to be a trouble. No matter what I do, and what I shouldn't, I did and didn't. I avoided causing trouble and then was accused of being "lazy". Then I tried doing something to participate and here I am causing trouble... Of what role do I serve in my school's activities, the extra?
I didn't lose hope of existence just yet. Whether people love me or hate me, time still flows. In life, I can somehow "control" my own time. I could kinda control time by the "just believe" factor, as well as my emotions and morale. For instance, now. I feel somewhat "high" and believe that I could slow down the river of time. Thus, I think I've finished this post in less than 15 minutes. How wonderful...
The reason why I title this blog "Timeless Will"... "Timeless" holds the meaning of the idiom "Rome was not built overnight", for I seek to grow in a steady pace, while listening to the murmurs of the river. "Will" was imported from my friends blogs title, yet holds a meaning of "Don't die just yet".
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