The Road To Success

  On the 25th of September, I will have to attend some kind of compulsory course so that my Dip+ application may be considered. In fact, this is a great opportunity to take one more step to success. However, an embarrassing truth be told: After more than a decade, I have yet to actually know my success...

  Unlike many of you, I can actually get into a circle of deep thoughts about my own success. Like, this guy wants to deal with Forex. Then another guy aspires to be a certified lawyer. Yet 'success' does not necessarily have to be career and stuff like that. 'Success' can be when a man successfully proposed to the lady of his dreams. It can be, like a colleague of mine once said, "To always give your best in everything". Many of you have already arrived to such decisions, but why can't I find mine? I still find myself searching. Then isn't there an irony when my pals claim that I am a 'decisive' person?

  Maybe part of these isn't my fault; Fate roughened my path of 'success'. I remember once when I wanted to be a certified doctor, but was forbidden from choosing 'Pure Biology' because of that asshole who decided my courses. Even the reason behind my choice of Diploma in Business Administration is a mystery to myself. It simply happened so that I was given my choice which I did the online application while half-blind. When my pal, BX, suggested that Business Admin was actually quite a mundane choice, I knew I chose wrong. Again.

  Apart from career, I have this particular aspiration which is like three stacked mountains of Everest to scale. Even though I have an indescribable doubt on actually being successful, I cannot help but go on. Like a damaged sloop already out in the Caribbean sea: A very fragile romance. Even now, these words echo in my mind:

"Is she happy?"

  I made so many mistakes such as scolding vulgarities, giftng that pendant, accidentally opening my... 'shell' (Not 'pants', you pervs >_<), and even worse: She might already be in a relationship with someone else. The big mystery is: Why haven't I given up on her?

  I know there is a better answer to it than "I don't know"; I just cannot find it.

  Maybe I can give you a kind of childlike description to something like success for me? Something like: I stand on a grandly podium with something shiny and polished in my hands. Spotlights flashed on where I stood, with the audience a tidy maelstrom of mixture of my loved ones as well as strangers and acquaintances. Without a script, I speak through a microphone, and my voice echoes through huge speakers into the thunderous applause and roars...

  Something like that would be marvelous. However that isn't really my definition of success. I do know, though, that the time will come. The time when my path is revealed. When I can finally place my life at stake. To walk the journey. To success.