Bildungsroman

"Praise the protagonist. Agitate the antagonist. Screw the character foil."

There are two kinds of teenagers in the world of school: One changes with his or her environment and matures with a whole new level of mindset, and the other are perfect examples of "Easy Come, Easy Go". Many of us have changed physically and mentally. Some of us feel proud of this change. It is called "maturing". While others grief over the natural process of "maturing", since they would prefer dwelling upon their pasts and regretting the courses they have taken in this four years. Ever heard of the difference between a "round" and a "flat" character? In every story exists at least one of each. In my storybook?... Well... It is stained in an array of wonderful colors bright and dull. Red, yellow, blue, gren, orange, black, white... Especially purple(I don't know why either...). I remember back in those days when I, as a early-stage puberty-stricked youngster, strived to slim down, buckle up and work hard. Yes, that was how I initially wanted. In Secondary 1, I always wished I was a superhero like Superman or Green Lantern or Hancock and could fly and save people. That way I need not work so hard in school just to pursue a career and suffer life. That time, I befriended a wild bunch of baboons and introverted packs of Halo-gens(Hardcore fans of Halo). I could remember losing contact with my primary school friends for the entire year... My mind was heavily influenced by them. My life was also surrounded by people who only cracked and laughed at sexual jokes. My life dulled when my satires were purposely ignored by them. They did not see me as a joker. They never saw me as an intelligent person. Their impressions of me was: The party pooper. Those impressions sounded more like curses, actually. Obviously they wanted to pick on me. Yet I bore no grudge against them. Rather, I thank them for being part of my life; part of my Bildungsroman. Then came Secondary 2, when I befriended a few lifeless nerds out of casualty-I mean, casually. You see... One of them was Jacky. He was a jerk, but was also a fun guy to hang out with. We cracked silly slapsticks and homework-trolling humor in class. He also laughed at sexual jokes frequently, but I never did. We were only indifferent in the extent of annoying this guy(also our friend) and making fun of him and enjoying the three of us altogether. On the same year, I also managed to regain contact with my primary school friends. Not just three, but a lot more than that. This chapter, however, was a dull one. Jacky was never a person to succumb to influence, for he loved to ruin people emotionally. For instance, there was once when he made fun of me after I had contact with this girl from my Primary School, claiming that I was keeping a secret relationship from him. He screwed me up back then... As of now, I don't really hate him anymore. Instead I had decided to 'bury the hatchet', 'forgive and forget'. He also played a part in my Bildungsroman. Secondary 3 was perhaps a time in my life where everything had come to a turn of nature. Everything darkened just like how the sun sets and the moon forwarding its legacy to begin its dictatorship upon me. I was stricken by misery. Jacky, my once-dependable friend, had turned himself into bad company. I had troubles trying to prevent a bunch of lifeless nerds from entering my life. These bunch of losers are said to 'worship' me, I don't know why either. Perhaps they see me as a popular guy in school, much as how we have to respect our principal. I had to walk the dark path of a Lone Wolf. My friend(the girl whom I met and befriended since Primary 5) had misunderstood my intentions of wishing her happiness in her birthday and thus we never met anymore. I was emotionally strained. My blade lost its affinity. My senses dimmed. I lost my livelihood. I lost my capability to joke. I failed many examinations. I was called up to be counselled. I made my Primary School friend worry despite he having his own troubles at hand. This chapter in my storybook is so dull that I could only see black and white in every page of it. That is yet another part in my Bildungsroman. I thank everyone who intentionally wanted to ruin my life. I failed to go acording to your plans. I am truly sorry your plans to cripple me failed, because I have decided to move on in life. Secondary Four. This year. That one year in our life which will determine what we have done to prepare for our futures. Which will determine how much can we be in favor of the government. Who are those among us who are talented. There was no room for fun anymore, considering how much time we have left that will determine the rest of our lives. I had to struggle between getting back to my feets and revising. Torturous if you can put yourselves in my shoes. The T&F relay competition... The studies and remedials... The efforts I had put in which returned me back to myself. The hard work I had placed in order to achieve my goals... The encouragement from the people I met in my life... The resolve fixed upon me to regain what I had lost... The neverdying belief that one day I will reunite with the girl whom I wronged by giving her that pendant... I will not, and repeat not, give up. I will fight till the end. I will cross the horizon. Ever since the graduation Ceremony was over, I slowly reflect upon how many times I told myself to persevere, and I did. New friends and new enemies. New mentors and new rivals. New chapters and new dreams. I shall not this Bildungsroman disappear. 'O'Levels, here I come! Even up till now... I could remember all of those dreams I had in the past. Even now. Back then I also had dreams of the same setting. All about surviving and flying. In one of them: I was flying in the sky. There were streams of alpine mountains below me.. There were lakes of lush green grassland below me.. In front of me was a beautiful sunset which shone at me and waved a ray of majesty at me. Recurring voices of some of the people I was close to echoed in my mind: "I believe in you." Then I descended from my heights and landed softly on the patch of grass. The southern winds of Winter pressed softly on me. I felt comforted and reassured, I believe I can do it. It could be a truth... Yet it could be a lie... My heart. It echoes of a soft and mellow feminine voice from my Primary School friend(girl). The same message as in my dream. I will survive. I will find the path of success- No, I will FORGE the path of success. In this three remaining weeks, I shall use it. My Four Tools of the Legend: Confidence, Perseverence, Instinct and Emotions. Wei Min... If you ever read this, or even visit my blog at any point of time... I sincerely want to tell you this: I am sorry. I made a rash decision that may have left you in suffering or in grief. Even I feel that way too. But know this: I have never forgotten you. I have never resented crossing paths with you. I actually feel very happy to have met you. You inspired me not to give up. You inspired self-esteem in me. That I am grateful and... well... Just remember I owe you one, okay? I am truly sorry...