Convicted

This feeling is familiar. Familiar as the time when I got into trouble with my ex-classmates. Trouble while arguing with another ex-classmate of mine. This time is different, yet the feeling is the same. Choked by conviction. I find it hard to inhale the clean truth. Why? O why am I choking this much? Have I finally gotten myself into trouble, just like that time? The Prom night in my school, dedicated to the graduating students, was organized by the Secondary Three Excos. For now I have no rights to judge their organization skills. But let's just say I have a slightly bad feeling about it. Back to conviction... At first I had troubles deciding on the seating in the Prom dinner thingy. I had to choose, with limited choices, two invitations. One was from a group of friends I met in my Upper Secondary life. The other is somewhat more foreign to me. With barely anyone I was close to. Here's the point: I was invited for the latter, but not the former. I had to decide between each, and eventually lead to the outcome; whether I might be left out by these losers intentionally, or I could join a group of strangers and get to know them. Me and one of my friend had to choose between one. Then... On the same day... September the 27th... Things finally come to a final. I had to decide. I don't want anyone to feel bad. My friend had already decided against the seating which a girl invited both of us. I had moments of doubts; conviction. I don't want to make that girl feel bad for rejecting her invitation. Since it would be like me saying, "I don't like you. Sorry." For now, I haven't made a decision yet. That girl seemed troubled by something... Perhaps over me? Perhaps over the other girl? Perhaps the 'O's? Even her tone in her message suggested her stress. I ought to be worried for her, don't I? There is an outside force controlling our lives, I reckon. Does God really rolls His dice over our lives? Does he determine our paths and futures with the flip of His coin? Should I really resort to fate and let our Father decide my life? Is destiny really so unpredictable? There's no time machine. Failure is also inevitable. My vision is blur; I can't find the truth behind the word "SUCCESS". I remember what Michael Jordan once said a motivational speech regarding failure... But does every downfall really count a step or two towards success? I can't take it no more. I want to live happy, and die happy if I was to. I can't give up. I can't defeat myself by giving up. I would tell myself to get up when I get knocked down. I would tell myself to fight on even after being smashed by a brick on my face. I would tell myself not to let go of the rope of life which holds me from death. I would never tell myself that everything's over. I will never waver and say "Die" to myself. I will survive. That's where I differ from many: Perserverence.