The Day

  I don't think I can keep my cool any longer. There are just too many things to worry about in the future; much more than last year when we had to prepare for the GCE 'O' Levels. For what I know, I might have been the one facing the most challenges in that time. From striving for good results, to building the resolve to rehabilitate with this friend of mine who misunderstood my good intentions two years ago. I wasn't the type of guy to just give up on life. There are outside forces which keep bringing me up to fight, no matter how tough the going gets, and no matter how many times I have fallen. Fighting conflicts with my resolve for success, is that not human nature? The 9th of January will be the day when we graduates get our results which will finally decide where we go: Junior College for the aspiring scholars or Polytechnic for those with a more lax nature. It will also be the last day when I finally get to see many secondary school friends. Probably the last day too, when I get to see my primary-school-friends-who-also-made-it-to-the-same-secondary-school-as-me, like... Well... Ze Quan, Muhaimin, Gilman, Charlene, Serene, Wei Min, and many others whom I seem to have forgotten that they belong to Greenwood Primary School too. So... The 9th of January is indeed The Day.

  I couldn't get myself to sleep until around 3am, unintentionally having those thoughts and flashbacks of my secondary school horrible experiences haunt me in my sleep. Just too bad I am already grown-up, that I cannot shed anymore tears over what we know as pasts. I was hurt far too many times by many kinds of negative people to even know what true sadness is. People like Jacky. Well... He ain't the only one who hurt me in the past. There are others too... Well, I will not post their names so as not to hurt them. Well... Maybe I might have mentioned one of them in the previous posts... or even this post... But still, I would like to say it from my heart that I have forgiven that person, but NOT fully. Yet. Let The Day we meet decide whether I will ever be the same merciful guy that everyone knows who I am.

  I have never failed to be forgiving towards anyone in my life. I realized that forgiveness is indeed the virtue to counter its cardinal sin: Wrath. I never punched anyone intentionally. I never hurt anyone out of hatred. However, my ability to be virtuous in this very context have already been taken for granted by some people. People like that Jackass. He was indeed lucky that I was forgiving to let him off ALIVE. If I wasn't, I could have turned him into a cripple, or even killed him and dumped his corpse in a river. I mean, anyone who didn't possess a shred of decency could have done so immediately. That sadist was lucky enough to have been granted a chance to seek amends. I gave him that chance; it is up to him if he would walk the right path and be civilized. Should he fall into that pit again... Sorry. My helping hand is already too wounded to help him up. There are some others too who ought to be self-aware. If they don't, oblivion could kill them right away. Death isn't a game, you know... The Day Death knocks on their door will be The Day when they refuse to change for the better, as well as the day when I am no longer there to help them.

  Fate... I believe in Fate now. It is not a person. It is not an object. It is not a quality either. It is the side of a coin God had flipped for us. It is the die God had rolled for us. I believe that Fate gave me such great friends. I believe that Fate brought me such an atrocious jerk for a nemesis. I believe that Fate had gifted me a strong, resilient resolve to fight for what I want: Friends, Future and Love. Fate had nurtured me into the most resilient 'gladiator' in the Colosseum of Injustice. That is why I might sometimes find myself fighting like a zombie when I actually needed a simple half-hour rest. That is why I had said to my Primary School bro that "Exhaustion is not in my dictionary". I believe in Fate, and I trust that Fate can bring upon a more desirable future for the all of us. At least the self-proclaimed prophet's ideology of the world ending this year was simply due to jealousy of many people performing better than him, and depression because his ideology will never happen. Trust me, even my sky-high esteem tells me that the world never ends. That is why the world is ever so round.

  I hope things will not be ugly when we get our results on The Day.