Arrogance

"When pride overflows..."

Confidence is a virtue. There was a Chinese saying my parents used to nag at me with: "做人要有自信，不要自大". I used to think of these words meaningless. But now I realized how words have their own powers. Power, in this case, would mean "Obey or Die".

I just have to admit it because it really is unhealthy for me. It feels downright a sin to me. Pride... obviously is a sin. I won't admit so to my classmates nor friends, so I'll just have to share my torments here. I just feel troubled because this is so... the opposite of myself back then in Secondary 2. I was always so pessimistic and weak-resolved back then. Then now, the North Pole is forced through another North Pole, forcing through the repulsion. I became so full of myself that "anything is easy" seems to be a white lie. Someone who acts all high and mighty and says that he can do this and that, yet never did so. The Singaporean NS slang "chao keng" clearly suits this. Now I understand why my parents find me so despicable. Their dogged humbleness opposes my prejudiced pride, or is it the other way round... I don't treat others like dust by sneering at them nor anything like that. I don't laugh at people's incompetency. I NEVER look down on anyone either.... Sigh.. I wonder how can I atone for my sin of pride... I've really gone too far this time... That uneasy feeling whereby some nerds in school are starting to fear me, like a bunch of gerbils hiding in their cave homes when a lion approaches. Well.. I just hope that my friends won't mind me... I hope my bros like Mr "General Election", Mr UV Ray and Mr Rice can forgive me for who I am right now...