Every thing that's happened to me... They all have an overall nexus. They are interlinked. The reason why I lost other people's respects; the reason why I turned all quiet and emo for these 3 years; the reason why I gave her the diamond pendant; the reason why I feel avoided by her and that she was totally avoiding me. It all makes sense now. Remember what I said about the alter ego in me?

I don't have a given name. I don't have a surname in me. I am 'invisible'. None in this world can ever feel my 'presence'. Not even Samuel would want to acknowledge me in proper formality. Even emo-Jacky can offend me easily. It's okay to be sensitive, but I am just too over-sensitive. This IS my 'alter ego'.

In fact, Alvin's still alive. Imagine it as dormant power made asleep within a medium of darkness. The real me should be able to accept any jokes from people. I could accept people calling me a chipmunk or Mr Bean without replying "Fuck you!" The kind of people who says this are either jerks or pedophiles.

I shall try to revert. I can do this. Just like jumping and reaching the exit sign on the ceiling.