"Either ways, it's the same..."
I haven't come to a decision yet. It's about whether I should FINALLY give up this relationship. Really there are many things I'm concerned about. There are so many that... Well.. It's hard to explain. But the key point is that I'm a coward if I give up this unrequited love, yet I'm a coward for sustaining this unrequited love.
If I DO give up, I will NEVER forgive myself. So will ALL my friends. Not many people know that I'm not a loveless geek(just like those typical geeks in class without crushes on girls) and that I love a girl named ...... I feel it is alright, for the bigger they(gossips) are, the harder they fall(hurt). Me giving up on someone whom I have wasted all my efforts and ended in failure. Like removing a super-glue stuck rusted nail on the skin on your temple(the part you massage when you suffer from a headache). BX will never forgive me, either. We made a bet with a retarded prize upon my victory, and an awesome gadget stuff upon defeat. Not only that, we will all start to lose on topic available to chat. Yeah, usually my concern shifts to her, so I'm always thought of as a weirdo. I just cannot let go, it hurts. I don't wanna live a loveless life. I don't wanna live among shadows of shadows, anymore. My goal in love life is to achieve... at least... her respect for me...
Anyways, if I don't give up, why am I still a coward?
It's simple. I'm a coward to my own feelings. I am hurting a lot deep down my heart. I am hurt because my existence is absence in her mind now. I also cannot foresee the future; what if something happens to her if I continue loving her in low profile, and what will happen if I finally proposed and end in humiliation? However, within a small dim light, I think: "What
Even now, I'm playing Habbo Hotel for a while. I could feel memories flowing inside me, while I'm online... It was fun when someone important to you(friend or lover alike) is online. Those times were really fun.
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